Church - Just as Petty as Any Other Establishment

[Seifer]

I hate going to church. I hate this recognition churches automatically receive for somehow being morally better than everyone else. "Don't worry, they're church folk! They'll treat us right!" Drives me up a wall.

It was once again proven to me today that people who go to church can be just as petty and awful as anyone else on Earth. Today is my grandmother's 91st birthday. My mother wanted to celebrate at the church, so she purchased flowers for the sanctuary. Apparently this is first-come-first-serve, so she called and arranged it three weeks ago.

Today, she went in for the morning church service and saw that her flowers were in the foyer, while someone else's flowers were in the sanctuary. When asked why the hell her flowers had been tossed aside, the person in charge didn't really have an answer. Basically, she said that she had tried to contact my mother the Monday before to see if it was okay to put her flowers in the foyer rather than the sanctuary.

I guess the fact that she never got a hold of my mother with the whopping SINGLE CALL she made, she figured no answer was as good as any and went ahead with it anyway. Turns out the flowers in the sanctuary were in honor of the 25th birthday of the PASTOR'S DAUGHTER IN-LAW (big shocker). So, my grandmother, who is 91 and might not have another birthday, got brushed aside so the 25 year old daughter-in-law could get her flowers showcased in the sanctuary.

Dick move, Church. Dick move.

[Rageaholic]

Yeah, this doesn't surprise me. Some of the most dickish behavior is from church going people, some of it happening in church.

I know of someone who's mother died and wanted a service. The preist was extremely rude, saying that she should have planned better (yes because death is something we all can all prepare for. ). This same person has been recieving letters from the church asking for donations. They were trying to reach her mother even though she was long gone. She told them FOUR times that her mother was not going to be donating any more money and they still bugged her.

Greedy fuckers.

[fireheart17]

It happens down here as well. On top of that, there is this idea that somehow morals, decency and good behaviour can't be taught by atheists.

[KitterCat]

Atheists, agnostics, anyone not part of that -insert group here-. What I’ve never understood is that some religious groups can do some really, really good things which are worthy of praise and then the same group can do some dark foul things often to the very people who support them the most.

[Hyena Dandy]

Because they, like many others, are much better at seeing groups than collections of individuals.

It's easier to help The Poor than an individual poor person.

[HYHYBT]

In general, yes, of course church people can be as petty as anyone else. As, apparently, can donors. Of the list of complaints one might have against a church, "two sets of flowers were donated the same week and mine were the ones that got bumped to a less desirable location" is WAY down the list.

[Bob The Random Boy Wonder]

The flower thing is really small compared to a lot of other dickish moves I've personally witnessed.

My old church merged with another church, using our church building. The members of the merged church went behind everyone's back and kicked out our pastor as soon as the deal was complete.

My Sunday School teacher left her husband because she found him cheating on her. She was disowned and kicked out of the church, while the husband is viewed as an and is still allowed free reign of the church because he's a pretty big donor.

One of my friends had the nerve to wear a jean skirt to church one Sunday morning that rested just above her kneecaps. She was subsequently thrown out of the building by two male ushers. Because we all know the length of your skirt determines your decency as a human being when you're a Christian, not what's in your heart.

Another one of my friends cut her hair short and dyed it the same color as Hayley Williams' hair in this photo, whatever that color might be. She, too, was also thrown out of the building. See above skirt comments.

...and people wonder why I haven't attended church in well over a decade.

I believe in treating people with love and basic decency. Most modern churches discriminate more than they love. I find that pretty odd considering what 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, but whatever. I must be the crazy one.

[siead_lietrathua]

In general, yes, of course church people can be as petty as anyone else. As, apparently, can donors. Of the list of complaints one might have against a church, "two sets of flowers were donated the same week and mine were the ones that got bumped to a less desirable location" is WAY down the list.

eh, i would agree except usually you give money to the church to purchase the flowers. so they paid specifically to have flowers in one area, and that didn't happen, with zero consultation. it might be a different "donation value" for different areas of the church as well, since sanctuary tends to have more display areas than the foyer (at least what i remember from church).
complaining about a jerk move, regardless of how high on the scale of jerk moves, is still valid.

[Seifer]

In general, yes, of course church people can be as petty as anyone else. As, apparently, can donors. Of the list of complaints one might have against a church, "two sets of flowers were donated the same week and mine were the ones that got bumped to a less desirable location" is WAY down the list.

Did you even read my post? The flowers weren't "donated", they were there to celebrate my grandmother's 91st birthday. The church didn't keep the flowers - we brought them home. They are ours. The church got ZERO money from us. My mom only wanted to do something at the church so everyone there could be a part of it. The flowers also weren't "donated" the same week - my mother set this up three weeks ago. If this other family had already claimed the spot, no one told her and no one said it would be an issue. Then, they tried to contact us a whopping one time to ask if we were totally cool with blatant favoritism toward the pastor's family. When they didn't hear from us, they went for it anyway.

I don't appreciate the "your problem is so far down the list it's not worth caring about" argument, either. I didn't realize "Things I Hate" had suddenly become a board where every argument has to be a world-stopper.

[BlaqueKatt]

my mother set this up three weeks ago. If this other family had already claimed the spot, no one told her and no one said it would be an issue. Then, they tried to contact us a whopping one time to ask if we were totally cool with blatant favoritism toward the pastor's family. When they didn't hear from us, they went for it anyway.

I don't appreciate the "your problem is so far down the list it's not worth caring about" argument, either. I didn't realize "Things I Hate" had suddenly become a board where every argument has to be a world-stopper.

100% dick move by the church AND the pastor using his influence to put his family above his congregation, and circumvent the rules(or cover for his own forgetfulness). I have similar stuff happen every year on my birthday(from the only family I have, my in laws-it's been discussed at length), and no one really gets how upsetting it is to have planning for a special day usurped by someone's last minute stuff(especially when their stuff goes off without a hitch, at the expense of your time, effort, and planning). It's not fair, at all, and it makes you wonder if they even think about anyone but themselves.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Agree that it's a dick move and totally worth being upset and annoyed over. I don't care how petty or insignificant it seems to someone from the outside. If we didn't let the things that bother us bother us, trying to bottle it up with "But there are so many worse things that happen" it's going to do serious psychological harm.

I hope your grandmother's birthday was good - outside of dickheadassery from the church - and I will wish her more!

[HYHYBT]

I neither said nor meant that every complaint has to be a "world-stopper" or that the complaint was invalid.

I do, though, think it's far more likely to be an error than a deliberate slight.

[Seifer]

I neither said nor meant that every complaint has to be a "world-stopper" or that the complaint was invalid.

I distinctly remember being called a "petty donor."

I do, though, think it's far more likely to be an error than a deliberate slight.

I honestly doubt it. It's far too much coincidence to swallow. Would it help if I mentioned that the parents of the girl are incredibly high in society? (The father is a judge.) She also doesn't even attend the church, so having flowers in honor of her birthday was a huge waste as she wouldn't even be there to enjoy them.

[Skunkle]

Took me a while to find a church I could go to without being annoyed at someone or other, either attending or working there. I rarely attend church, but mainly because I tend to forget, but the one I found is really lovely and I've met not a single person there I didn't like. It makes me angry that any church, anywhere, does these kinds of things. It really does.

It might help that this is in Seattle, which isn't a part of the country where high society pervades every social event and gathering at every place. Whether you run into snobbery all depends on where you go, and there are countless places where it doesn't seem to appear as an influence at all.

I'd say, "If anyone wants to see a truly loving, accepting and caring church, PM me if you visit Seattle," but there's one caveat: this is a church that accepts gays, no as tolerated while their "sin" is despised, but they ACCEPT them. The pastor is gay (and I could listen to his sermons all day - only one I've seen who doesn't seem to get boring).

[HYHYBT]

I distinctly remember being called a "petty donor."



I honestly doubt it. It's far too much coincidence to swallow. Would it help if I mentioned that the parents of the girl are incredibly high in society? (The father is a judge.) She also doesn't even attend the church, so having flowers in honor of her birthday was a huge waste as she wouldn't even be there to enjoy them.

That certainly is suggestive.