"I'm so bored"-ranty/whiny thing

[BlaqueKatt]

So as I've said before, I don't consider myself to have friends, last night was another nail in that coffin reminding me how little people actually want anything to do with me.

I'm stuck this week with nothing but my cats, spouse is in another city for work training, which means "yay free time to spend with people!"(especially since it's been almost two years* since I've done anything outside the house that didn't involve work, or spouse's coworkers/friends-reminder I don't drive, and live in a suburb with very limited bus service-like bus runs 4x in am, 4x in afternoon.)

So I go on FB and see a few people have posted "I'm soooo bored, anyone want to do anything?" so I send messages(since they're online), "I'm free, we could do, x, y, z, or whatever?", I get either no response(message seen pops up, and they are instantly offline), or "oh yeah, I'm actually waiting for Fred to call" or "Fred called and we're going to do q(something not suited to a group of more than two)" then not 15 minutes later "OMG, someone call me, I need to get out of the house tonight, or I'm going to go crazy!"

No you want a specific person to call, I tried and obviously didn't make the "cool person" cutoff list. Thank you my dear "friend" for letting me know that no matter how bored you claim to be, and how no one ever wants to do anything, you're obviously not being at all honest, and even though you claim to care, you're just like everyone else-a fake, and a liar, enjoy sitting at home alone like you do every single night because no one is up to your impeccable standards, except "Fred", whom I happen to know thinks you're a petty, selfish, clueless, bastard. I'm glad I'm just a "friend count booster", and not actually a human, that you continually treat like garbage, while whining that people do the same to you-what goes around, comes around.







*back in november I had the same thing, and found out a friend had died and was trying to find someone to just come hang out so I didn't totally lose it, as I couldn't stop crying, only response I got from anyone that night was "well you can take a cab to meet me downtown($40), and you can sit with me at rocky horror." Then got upset with me because I was wrapped up in a blanket and went through a box of tissues in 2 hours, and was reduced to crying on my cat, and declined.

[anakhouri]

I think you should start defriending people so you don't waste your time on them anymore.

(the only people I ever see whining they're bored on FB are my niece/nephews (tweens) and my friend's 24 year old sister)

[BlaqueKatt]

I think you should start defriending people so you don't waste your time on them anymore.

(the only people I ever see whining they're bored on FB are my niece/nephews (tweens) and my friend's 24 year old sister)

to do that, I'd actually just delete my facebook account, as pretty much all of my fb friends that live close by ignore me, out of state/country get a pass, when you live 6 blocks away, you suck as a person.

[the_std]

Why not trying to do things you enjoy on your own? Sometimes you meet people with similar interests that way. If the people you currently know obviously don't want to spend time with you, stop forcing the issue and start down a different path.

Walks in the park, a cycling club (fixes the driving problem), join a local library reading group, hell, even volunteer work will get you close to people who share your interests and will give you something to do outside of your home.

Friendship is a two-way street. If the only time you reach out to people is when your hubs isn't around, don't expect them to greet you with open arms.

However, I feel like this advice might be better given to a brick wall. I'm sorry your situation seems to suck so much, but until you actively attempt to improve it, all you will get is more reasons to whine.

[BlaqueKatt]

However, I feel like this advice might be better given to a brick wall. I'm sorry your situation seems to suck so much, but until you actively attempt to improve it, all you will get is more reasons to whine.

thank you I needed someone to tell me it's all my fault, when they know nothing of my situation. I'm glad someone's such an expert on my life(that doesn't even know me), and what to do in the city I live in(that they've never been to), which happens to be a college city, and the only things open after 6pm(when I get done with work most days-today is a fluke) are restaurants and bars(I don't drink). I'm also glad you know I've done absolutely nothing to try and improve my situation, I guess I've just sat on my fat ass doing absolutely nothing for the past 10 years, oh wait, I haven't, I have been trying, and I have been doing things when I can. And I didn't plan a birthday party and several other get togethers with people (I try to plan at least 4-6 activities per year, none of them ever actually happen), every year for the past 10 years, only to have someone else plan something for the same time, and everyone cancels, I guess I'm just not trying hard enough.

Social anxiety disorder, if I go out by myself, I end up being transported by ambulance due to severe anxiety attacks(as in someone sees what I'm going through and calls 911), I'd get treatment for it, but my job won't give me time off, and my clinic is 10 miles away(none closer for my insurance).

it's winter, no cycling clubs right now, and the only ones that exist during the summer would require me to purchase a fixed gear bike. I tried a craigslist ad to find a training partner for cycling, and all I got were offers to meet for sex.

And actually I do try to engage people ALL THE DAMN TIME! I try very hard to keep up my end of friendships, no one else seems to know what that means.
The only things people invite me to is things they know for a fact I won't do(hey let's go barhopping!, or let's go to the venue where your stalker is the bouncer, that seems like a fun night!-and yes they know I have alcohol problems, they also know who my stalker is, and where he works, every time they go he hassles them to give him my phone number or address-these people are my in-laws), so they can say "well we knew you couldn't go, but look we invited you, we get points for that"

[the_std]

I don't claim to be an expert in your life, not in the slightest. Be offended all you like, all we have to go on is what you post here. And you do post it in Fratching, where everything you say is open to contention.

But the reason I said that is because all we get to see from you is "I hate my life/nothing goes my way/I don't deserve love", aside from true debate on other topics.

All I meant by my comment was that you come across as someone who is willing to settle for whining, rather than doing anything to change your situation.

There are always reasons not to do something - you listed off about a dozen in your response. If that's the case, I have nothing more to say to you, because every suggestion seems to be met with reasons you can't do whatever it is.

[monkeyboy]

Have you tried meetup.com? I haven't used it myself, but know a few people who have had very good results from it. As to the cycling, if you're an outdoorsy person, do the groups do something else during the winter? I don't know what its like by you, but where I live some of the cycling groups hike during the winter months.

[Ginger Tea]

All I meant by my comment was that you come across as someone who is willing to settle for whining, rather than doing anything to change your situation.

I may have misread the OP a few days ago, not re read it yet, but I was sure it was a 3rd party (one of her 'friends') moaning about the lack of things to do etc and her posting a let's do something got turned down then another "gee I'm bored" fb post from said friend.

Although I don't use facebook that much, I myself wouldn't necessarily post a "I've nothing to do." post mostly cos those that I actually talk to are ooop norf and there is not much they could do about it.
But if the choice was between stopping in and doing nothing (no TV/DVD/Book/Music etc) and going out with captain dickhead, I'll take stopping in.

But saying "oh let's go to that place where you are likely to be phsically assaulted by the staff." does fall into the "well we did ask if you wanted to come" bracket, but also takes a running jump into the "I'm an uncaring insensitive bluepencil bluepencil bluepencil."

[SkullKing]

I think you need to start defriending non-frieds,l but I can see that can be hard to do when you have no friends, and do not want to be alone.

What do you like to do BlaqueKatt? Do you have hobbies or something?

Do you perchance like online games? I know ity is not the same as hanging out in person, but the chancves of finding nice people get a lot higher when you are not constrained by geography

[BlaqueKatt]

But the reason I said that is because all we get to see from you is "I hate my life/nothing goes my way/I don't deserve love", aside from true debate on other topics.<snip>
There are always reasons not to do something - you listed off about a dozen in your response. If that's the case, I have nothing more to say to you, because every suggestion seems to be met with reasons you can't do whatever it is.

I wasn't aware when I was venting about something I had to list every single thing I had tried to rectify the situation. I'd like some concern or empathy, all I EVER seem to get is "it's your fault your life is bad, your just not trying hard enough." Back when I was going to be homeless, all I got was "you're not trying hard enough to find a place to live, I did 'x', and it worked fine, with x being something not even close to my situation.

I am an abuse victim suffering from depression, I try to not let it get to me, but every time I try to just vent, because I have this as my only outlet, All I get is pretty much more abuse(It's your fault he hits you=it's your fault people are mean to you)

I have no friends or family for support, that I can turn to, it's always good to know, I can't even come here anymore. I already lost CS chat due to similar reasons. (someone telling me since they magically cured their depression, and since people with no legs run marathons, I have no reason to be depressed.) So now I know I can't talk to anyone, Awesome. I just lost my final bit of support I had, such as it was, now I have nothing, thank you for that.

What do you like to do BlaqueKatt? Do you have hobbies or something?

Reading, bike rides(long ones, which no one else seems to like), going to concerts, actual intelligent conversation(not did you see xfactor last night?)

Do you perchance like online games?

Um online games are something I despise, I actually started a thread on how much I detest them. I'd rather be out actually DOING something, than sitting in the house pretending to do something. I enjoy actually living life, I don't want to look back when i'm bedridden at 80 and think of all the things I could've done, but didn't, and are now, at 80 impossible.

My coworkers look at me like some sort of freak of nature when we talk about what we did over the weekend, typical conversation is similar to:

me-"yeah, I rode my bike 60 miles, had a picnic on the bluffs, filled an SD card with pictures from gov. Nelson park, went canoeing for the first time, it was great!

Them-but did you see the new walking dead episode? I also got my shadowspawn to level 80 it only took playing for 60 hours straight. Never got out of my bed for the entire weekend.

I just don't get that.

[anakhouri]

I'd be really surprised if you can't find decent conversation somwhere in a college town. I lived in a college town for years (and still do, but a smaller college). Sure there are bars, but there are also libraries, bookstores, and coffee houses. Colleges often have festivals and lectures open to the public as well.

I don't know what all you've tried, so I'm not trying to insult you, just to help because I found myself in a similar situation a few years back. I hate to think of you being so lonely.

I second looking for book groups to join (since you like to read). There's usually also small local papers that advertise events and meetups; most have websites too. I know you don't want friends from work but is there anyone interesting in other labs that you maybe collaborate with but aren't your co-workers? I don't have all your issues but since moving here away from all friends and family I have really had to make an effort to find new acquaintances. The first thing I did was find a writing group, since that's my thing. I don't know if you're into gaming but hitting some gaming meets at local stores is a good way to find people with similar interests.

Your anxiety sounds like it really has you in a bind. Are you able to see a therapist who might ba able to help?

I still think you should defriend all those FB jackasses; why let them treat you badly and make you feel unwanted? Just not having to look at them on your feed might make you feel better right away. Get rid of them and think about how you can build up your friends list with people who aren't douchebags.

Good luck!

Good luck!

[BlaqueKatt]

I'd be really surprised if you can't find decent conversation somwhere in a college town. I lived in a college town for years (and still do, but a smaller college).

Unfortunately, people here are snobbish, when they find out I don't have a degree, I become "beneath them", and unworthy to hold a conversation with.

I know you don't want friends from work but is there anyone interesting in other labs that you maybe collaborate with but aren't your co-workers?

There are 3 labs in town, we're all in competition, and I left one because a coworker was spreading lies about me, that everyone believed because she was "so nice and pretty".

Your anxiety sounds like it really has you in a bind. Are you able to see a therapist who might ba able to help?

Can't get time off work, I had to cease my therapy for depression last june due to that, plus the closest clinic I can go to with my insurance is 10 miles, which is a heck of a bike ride in winter, and with the bus routes, it's not really even possible.

There are always reasons not to do something - you listed off about a dozen in your response. If that's the case, I have nothing more to say to you, because every suggestion seems to be met with reasons you can't do whatever it is.

I'm getting really sick and tired of having to post this over and over and over again
Fundamental Attribution Error

[Aethian]

BK, I'm starting to see in my own life how you feel. I have little to no friends where I live and the majority of people who are friends in the "real world" are over a two hour drives away. They constantly post things on FB of the great get togethers they are having. The baby showers that I'm not invited to cause "we didn't think you would want to drive that far" to the concerts, the shows, the plays, and the movies. With a mixture of "oh we didn't know if you would like that"...that excuse hurt the most when it was something I had introduced to them.

I try to make friends around here but it doesn't seem to stick. I'll get the "we should do something" that leads to "nah I'm actaully really busy...sorry" and then I never hear from them again even after trying to contact them. It's depressing and it's lead to major blows to the ego that are starting to be permanent. But those aren't something I'm going to share, not again.

I don't know what advice to give since I've taken some of the advice given here and found it to either be unpractical or just...can't do it.

I wish you luck in finding something. If Lake MI was frozen right now I'd drive the lake to go see a movie.

[BlaqueKatt]

It's depressing and it's lead to major blows to the ego that are starting to be permanent. But those aren't something I'm going to share, not again.

I don't know what advice to give since I've taken some of the advice given here and found it to either be unpractical or just...can't do it.

Thank you, I'm getting tired of people saying basically "well I don't have any problems making friends, so the problem must be you(which is the dictionary definition of fundamental attribution error)." it's as if as a species we've almost totally lost empathy, or the ability to think that anything but our own experience is valid.