"I Was Testing My Feelings"

[catcul]

Why?

I meet a girl and and we hit it off, so we decide to go out on a date. It's going well, or so I think. I call her a few days, and that's when she drops the bombshell. She was already engaged to be married to another man. She was just using me to test her feelings for her fiancee.

Why would you get a man's hopes up like that? Why would you ask a counselor, or clergy, or your relatives, or even your fiancee? I hope he dumps you because he will not be happy with an immature liar like you. Don't come back to me when he does; I'm not interested in dating an immature liar, either.

Unfortunately, this has happened to me twice.

[Sarah Valentine]

What a bitch, clearly she's not ready to be married yet if she's pulling shit like this.

[Andara Bledin]

If she has to test herself, then she's probably not ready to be in a serious relationship. >_<

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[Nekojin]

While I agree that she was being selfish and immature, I suggest that you not let it bother you too much. She would be just as much off the table if she'd broken it off for any other reason - incompatible religion, didn't like the car you drive, *insert other specious reason*. Take it as a bullet dodged, and move on. =^_^=

[TheHuckster]

I really feel bad for her fiance. I think he's going to be blindsided when he's likely served divorce papers in 3 years or less. Unless he has the same doubts.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

That's happened to me once and I agree...it was not fun.

[blas87]

That or those awesome people who put themselves out there to date after being married or in a LTR, go on a few dates, then go back to their ex.

This is why, despite my track record of seemingly going from guy to guy, I've been "single" since March, and turned down quite a few people because I simply wasn't ready. The jackal and I were trying for about a month or so to work things out, and then he went behind my back and got a new girlfriend without even telling me he was going on dates. So, I let that go, and slowly eased my way back into dating.

[cindybubbles]

Next time you date, ask if the date is either in a relationship, engaged or married. If yes, end the date immediately and do not call back. If no, and you find out that she's lying, see if you can track down her significant other and anonymously give that person a heads up about what she's doing.

[Nekojin]

Next time you date, ask if the date is either in a relationship, engaged or married. If yes, end the date immediately and do not call back. If no, and you find out that she's lying, see if you can track down her significant other and anonymously give that person a heads up about what she's doing.

That's one of the catch-22's of dating. It's implied that someone "on the hunt" doesn't have any entanglements. By being in the dating scene (so to speak), they are effectively saying that they are, in fact, free to date.

So when someone who is in a relationship starts cruising the dating scene, they're already lying by omission, implying something about themselves that isn't true. If you confronted them on it, they would most likely double down on the implied lie, stating it explicitly. Also significantly likely is the chance that they would turn it around and treat it like some sort of attack on their character, playing the victim to your cold, callous accusation.

You shouldn't have to ask, and asking isn't guarantee of anything.

[Ginger Tea]

or they are in an open relationship and both are cool with it.
but if they don't say upfront, the 3rd member may very well not be cool with being the other woman/man.

[Nekojin]

or they are in an open relationship and both are cool with it.
but if they don't say upfront, the 3rd member may very well not be cool with being the other woman/man.

Yes, agreed.