my sister & nasty rumours

[KellyHabersham]

This whole thing makes me sick so I'd rather not get into all the details right now, but to make it brief - my mom has what you'd call a "non-sexual" crush on a boy who's friends with my daughter's boyfriend, she gets a little pouty because this kid prefers to talk to me, and I guess because of comments I made......"Patty" (my sister) got the idea that I too have "inappropriate interests" in this boy, and contacted my daughter via Facebook about how disgusting it was that my mom and I were arguing over him.

Patty said none of this to me directly, and just to get into a few things which bother me about this:

- I do like this kid, he's fun to joke around with, but that's it......he's not of legal age yet, I doubt he views me in that manner, and even if he did, I would NOT do anything that would risk my getting into trouble.

- It is (at least I thought) common knowledge that I prefer guys who are older than I am.

- I wouldn't even feel comfortable talking to this kid if Patty was around now that I know she's got these ideas.

- If I was able to actually get a date, this kind of thing wouldn't come up, but I've never had much luck with guys.

[siead_lietrathua]

honestly? snap at your sister. tell her it's hella rude to go through your KID than to talk to you like an adult, tell her that she's nasty for even thinking you'd go after a teen and to get her damn head out of the gutter.
TBH i agree that making inappropriate jokes with minors isn't something that's the best idea on earth. but going through your kid to address a problem your sis has with you is just snarky, manipulative and immature bullshit.

[Andara Bledin]

I'm with Siead.

If you can manage it, look disgusted that your sister would even think of the kid like that, as if it's the furthest thought from your mind. I'd totally ladle it on and harp on the idea that the kid is like, well, a kid to you.

[KellyHabersham]

I've not figured out yet how to approach Patty with this, because I don't want to cause any more drama than already exists, nor do I wish to drag anyone else into it. But for now.....

I think part of Patty's issue is that this kid (I'll call him "Ben") is about seven years older than her son, so she considers him to be just a little boy. Which he is, but he's also got which you might call a more "edgy" side to his personality, and she hasn't been around him enough to witness this. (Patty does know that Ben doesn't come from the best family background, but that's it)

My mom has been known to make questionable comments about younger guys, but I don't think she intentionally means to come off that way, and Patty has acknowledged that. It's been an underground joke for awhile that Mom is into younger men, so I'm not sure why Patty is getting upset about this now.

I did mention the situation to my mom last night, although I did not mention the part where she and I were allegedly arguing over "Ben", just focused on where Patty was griping about me.

[siead_lietrathua]

no idea. but even if your mum is being inappropriate, if YOU arent then why the hell is your sister yellin about you? sounds like the drama she is stirring is intentional.

[KellyHabersham]

I think it's because of two things - a joke I made the other day about stealing our Mom's boytoy away from her, which I guess Patty took the wrong way. 9although we HAD joked about that in the past)

the other thing is I'd sent her a message on Facebook the other night asking if she'd ever had problems with our Mom getting upset because someone preferred talking to another person instead of her. Patty didn't respond, but she did post a message on my daughter's Facebook wall saying she needed to talk to her about something.

[Andara Bledin]

So, apparently Patty put X and Orange together and came up with Piano.

[KellyHabersham]

That's one way of putting it!

As an update of sorts: while I was at work yesterday, my mom asked my daughter about the situation, and wasn't thrilled to hear that she was partially involved. Also, it seems that the second commented I mentioned in my previous post was what had triggered Patty to say something, but my daughter cleared that part up and I guess Mom wasn't offended.

However, there is not a diplomatic way to explain that "boy toy" jokes got started because of a comment she made to Ben that sounded like she was hitting on him. (Or that for whatever reason, Patty seemed to forget it was a joke and took it seriously) So I just reminded her that we need to be careful what we say, because things often get taken the wrong way.

[Hyena Dandy]

I had a similar situation at work. >_<

[Pixilated]

Kelly, you seem to be handling it very well. I probably would've snapped back with pointed comments to sis based on that old saying that "You don't think to look behind the bedroom door unless you've stood there yourself."

"You know I'm interested in older men ... maybe your obsession with my non-existent interest in a younger man says something about your thoughts."

No, I am not saying that would be a smart thing to do.

[KellyHabersham]

Well, unfortunately this has lead to something even more nasty......short version is that Patty's oldest girl (who's about seven) recently made comments about Heather (my daughter) supposedly doing something questionable to her, and this would have been during a family trip to northern Arizona a few weeks ago. Patty and her husband haven't bothered to ask Heather what her side of the story is, and there's a possibility that the police might have to be brought in to investigate.

Needless to say, there's a lot of things which infuriate me about this, but these two are the biggest -

this particular niece is known for making stuff up/getting things wrong, she can be a major tattletale, and her parents are both aware of this. However, they still believe whatever she says without question.

there were 10+ people around that weekend, not a lot of privacy, and the few relatives who are aware of this can't figure out when this alleged incident would have taken place. (which it never did, but still......)

Anyhow, so I'm trying to handle this the best I can, and hope that Patty and her husband don't decide to get the police involved. (If it does go that far, I would definitely no longer consider Patty to be my sister)

*sorry if this was long, it just pisses me off that my child is accused of something she didn't/would never do*

[Ginger Tea]

Well that sucks, I would wave good by to your cousin too in your shoes and depending on your sister and the fall out, her too.

Last year I bumped into someone whom I might have had a conversation with the year prior, it's hard to tell I have a lot of random conversations this weekend.
Apparently I made an off colour remark caught on video, which was not made available to me the following year to see nor was a YouTube link offered, hell I even searched YouTube for the event's name and my description, zitch.

I do not know what exactly I said or how it came across, but to the wrong eyes and ears or someone with an agenda, me making one off colour joke could be seen as admission of guilt to partaking in on way or another said taboo.

to make matters worse, this year I was speaking to one of the security guards, who's worked there god knows how long and he said he never knew my name, I forget peoples names, but sometimes I just never entertain the idea of needing them if it is only two people talking, I don't have to say "Hey <name>" to get their attention, I'm either talking to you or myself.

So I said I go by my middle name, he asked what my first was and why I didn't use it, I said it and he said "first name what?" least I think he said it in a way that got me thinking he meant last name, so he knew my full name, so I commented on the fact I had given him enough for identify theft
"I wouldn't want your identify." he joked
"Could be worse, could be jimmy savile's identify." he told me there and then he was close to hitting me just for mentioning his name let alone joking about him, which I had not, to be honest I couldn't think of a sick joke with his name attached.

I have a long history of not being pg with my jokes and comments, but in this day and age you really have to watch every damn word leaving your mouth less it land you in jail or at least tarred in the eyes of others who never saw the video just hear rumours of something being said and Chinese whispers taking it to be fact, so the only way to survive not being arrested for jokes is for me to not talk to anyone there, which is nigh on impossible.

[KellyHabersham]

Oh, I've already written Patty and her husband off......I understand that they want to protect/defend their daughter, and that many "incidents" happen under similar circumstances, but it's bothersome that they don't want to hear the other side of the story.

Meanwhile, the police haven't been involved yet, and it's possible that it may not happen........even if they are, my niece's story is the only "proof" that it happened.