Am I a ghost to the doctors?

[LexiaFira]

similar to blas87's thread Blas' thread
HOWEVER I am NOT on medication and SHOULD BE. Apparently I am one of the few that have fallen through the cracks or when I finally DO resurface its like I don't exist, am wrong or do not need meds.

RIGHT, and all these episodes (episode translates into an anxiety attack or depression to suicidal spiral or meltdown because I am overwhelmed because apparently I am responsible for everything all the time, ALL THE TIME, to I won't leave this house you cannot make me, to at worst stabby stabby)
just don't happen because I am lying.....right. heaven forbid a doctor diagnose me, trust me I have had people NOT in my family come with me to my doctor as witness. I have written and signed a makeshift form of permission that this person can speak for me because I must not be believable...and yet still oh no you're fine.

Right, so the fact that one episode was so bad I nearly stabbed my husband and thought about worse things that I locked myself in the bedroom to PREVENT it from happening isn't enough. right....
and in the two to three months I was banned from cs it NO improvement has happened in all my effing appointments with counselors and doctors. all because I am one of the few that cannot afford insurance yet make too much to get government help....fuck that. i can tell you everyone will be singing a different tune the day i finally snap and someone DOES end up hurt (read ER trip) because no matter how much i advocate nothing is being done.

oh yes, I WISH i was making this up, I WISH this was some fabrication.stopping now before the rant worsens

[Andara Bledin]

I feel for you, I really, really do.

Our medical system is a fucking joke for any matter that can't be resolved with physical tests.

Hopefully, you will continue to be able to restrain yourself until either someone in the medical profession that you go to chooses to do their damn job and diagnose you properly, or the medical reform goes through and you stop being in that black hole of coverage where you make too much but it's still not enough.

[crashhelmet]

Lexia, I'm sorry you're going through all of this. How many different doctors have you gone to? What kind of doctor were they? What did they tell you was their opinion of your issues?

[LexiaFira]

lets see, several counselors when i could afford the low cost ones.
first one said i seemed to be self managing fine on my own and that medicine wouldn't be needed. second one kept her schedule so full when she got sick everyone got pushed back on the docket.

of the doctors i could get into one was male and thought i was faking it or making it up
the second one was my gyno and i told her that i was asking in desperation she did help. then i had to stop seeing her because i no longer had insurance.

the one in texas when i had to move there for 6 months in 2012 did try to help but i fell through those cracks.
i honestly just want to go back to my home state and give up there because its too late. i feel i am already too far gone for any help that would do any good beyond keeping me sedated which is what the last drug did.
and for the record i know people listen, but for the times when i try so hard to make a point and be heard it seems then i am disregarded. like now and in the last few months.


not going to respond for a while because I am tired. mentally and emotionally and because i know what i did on the other forum (and admit to it and know i am wrong) i am just not going to log on. changing my info here to show that.

thank you all for the replies but after this its done.


and for the record i know people listen, but for the times when i try so hard to make a point and be heard it seems then i am disregarded.