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"I'm sorry..." - "Why? You didn't do it."

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  • #1

    "I'm sorry..." - "Why? You didn't do it."

    A recent post on CS that resulted in this being posted as a reply reminded me that I really do hate when people do that.
    I think it's just plain rude!

    As someone who has experienced a lot of loss and pain, I would never cheapen someone's sincere and heartfelt expression of concern and sympathy by mocking them.

    To me, that's just what it is when a person says, "I'm so sorry for your loss," and the person says, "Why? Did you kill them?" or some other smart-assed response.

    It may well just be someone's way of coping with the tragedy, but I still find it really rude.

    What's wrong with just saying, "Thanks."???
    Point to Ponder:

    Is it considered irony when someone on an internet forum makes a post that can be considered to look like it was written by a 3rd grade dropout, and they are poking fun of the fact that another person couldn't spell?
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  • #2
    There's another two along the same lines; you say "I'm sorr.y" and they reply, "Me too."

    Well yes, I know you're sorry, and I'm sorry for your loss. By saying "Me too" it makes me feel like you're saying, "That's nothing compared to how devastated I am so just keep your mouth shut."

    Probably not meant like that but I find it irritating, along with what Ree mentioned. Others can be sorry for your grief, because they care about you. Don't push them away when they try to express it.

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    • #3
      Believe me, I had a lot of well meaning but insensitive comments made when I lost my husband, but I knew the intentions behind the words so I didn't get offended.

      I appreciated every simple, "I'm sorry for your loss," that was offered to me.

      Even now, over 5 years in, when someone finds out I am widowed, and they say, "Oh, I'm sorry," I know it's a sincere offering of sympathy, and I accept it graciously by saying, "Thank you."
      Point to Ponder:

      Is it considered irony when someone on an internet forum makes a post that can be considered to look like it was written by a 3rd grade dropout, and they are poking fun of the fact that another person couldn't spell?

      Comment

      • #4
        Even if they don't have a smart ass response if you say "I'm sorry" and they respond with something like "Don't apologize this isn't your fault." I'm not apologizing, I'm offering sympathy.

        However, whenever someone tells me not to apologize, they do so in such an annoyed or angry manner that I DO apologize. Then it starts a horrible spiral of me just saying "sorry" over and over again. I'm polite and Canadian, I can't help it.

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        • #5
          I agree with you whole heartedly, Ree.

          Saying "I'm sorry" shows sympathy, respect, and understanding, not actual sorry of admitting guilt.

          People are just smartasses or jerks that can't take an offering of hope and good wishes.

          Comment

          • #6
            The problem is that there is no really good thing to say in a situation like that that isn't offensive to someone.

            "You look a little down today, what's up?"

            "My dog was run over by a truck."

            What's the fitting, non-offensive response?

            Society has gotten to the point where no matter what you offer as a response, you're running the risk of pissing them off.

            So society tends to nowadays see someone in emotional distress and ignores them. Which makes the people feel bad since no one seems to care.

            You can't @#$%ing win and people wonder why we're going to hell in a handbasket as a society.
            “There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do.” - Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mongo Skruddgemire View Post
              "You look a little down today, what's up?"

              "My dog was run over by a truck."

              What's the fitting, non-offensive response?
              "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Poor dog. No wonder you're looking so down."???

              Seems easy enough to me.

              If they choose to be offended or reply with, "Why, did you do it?" then, in my opinion, it's on them for being so rude.
              I refuse to let it change me or allow me to become so jaded that I would ignore someone's pain rather than offer compassion.

              We can choose to throw up our hands and go on blaming "society" but we are all part of society. We can also choose whether to let social conventions and civility fall by the wayside, or we can actually choose to just continue to treat others with respect.
              Point to Ponder:

              Is it considered irony when someone on an internet forum makes a post that can be considered to look like it was written by a 3rd grade dropout, and they are poking fun of the fact that another person couldn't spell?

              Comment

              • #8
                The issue is that "I'm sorry" is social shorthand for "I'm sorry to hear that you had some bad thing happen to you or someone you care about."

                It's just a shame that so many people are more interested in feeling clever than they are in being civil.
                Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                • #9
                  Ree, I hate that too.

                  As some people know, my mother is currently quite ill. I moved 800 miles to a state I detest (think the laughing stock of the US for fucked-up news stories) in order to help out.

                  People don't realize that simple 'I'm so sorry's' actually DO mean a lot to most people. I always thank people, and also tell some of them that their asking or commenting means a great deal to me/us.

                  To see people trivialize these mostly well-meaning sentiments makes me sick. I can't even IMAGINE replying to someone with, 'Why? YOU didn't give her ovarian cancer".
                  Or, "Why? YOU weren't the idiot that had to move to this god-forsaken state".

                  It's appalling, really. It's always rubbed me the wrong way, but right now (due to the current situation) it really makes me want to throw things when I hear responses like that.

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