"How dare you not want to spawn!"

[Lace Neil Singer]

Cuz I have been in a steady relationship with my boyf for eight years, there are people who think that the natural next step for us would be to have kids; and who get very shocked and angry when I tell them that no, that's not going to happen. Not every woman who's in a relationship has to automatically pop out a rugrat or two in order to give her life meaning, you know. -.-

"You'll regret it when your biological clock starts ticking!"

I have never wanted kids, not ever. I never played with dolls, never got gooey eyed over someone's drooling offspring, and I have never, even when approaching 30, ever had the inclination to breed. I don't believe I have a biological clock at all.

"It's your responsibility to keep your family line going!"

I have a niece and an honoury nephew; said nephew is my boyf's brother's child. So that argument holds no water.

"You baby eating Communist!"

Just cuz I don't want to have kids, does not mean automatically that I hate them. I have friends with kids, I have the aforementioned niece and hon nephew; basically, I get all the good bits of kids and none of the bad.


Anyone else here get this from people? I'd hate to think I was the only one. o_O

[MadMike]

Anyone else here get this from people? I'd hate to think I was the only one. o_O

Yes, and it doesn't stop if even if you already have one. As some of you know, I have a son from a previous failed relationship. My wife and I don't have any together. She would have liked to have one of her own, and we did consider it briefly, but decided against it for various reasons, including not being that well-off financially, and me being in my late 30s and not wanting to still be raising kids until I'm almost 60. But people still seem to think it's their duty to tell us we need to have kids, for all sorts of stupid reasons.

I posted a rant about it on CS, which continued for several months and several pages, and covered an incident where she and I had a pregnancy scare, and shortly afterwards I "chopped down the family tree", as I like to say.

[Greenday]

I still "joke around" with my mom about me getting snipped and she gets so pissed at me. I don't want kids of my own. I don't. I have no patience with little kids, save my little cousins, but I could never put up with them on a daily basis. With my previous girlfriend, she had mentioned always wanting to adopt and it got me thinking. Now I figure I wouldn't mind adopting a kid that wasn't a baby or a toddler. There are so many kids out there that really could use a supportive parent.

"But they still wouldn't be one of your own!" Uh, yes, they would be. They would be my son/daughter. I'd love them with all my heart. It's also making the world a better place. The world is overpopulated. I don't need to add to the population when there's a decent enough part of the population without parents already.

[AdminAssistant]

I get it, too.

I'm sorry, I don't find anything remarkable, special, or miraculous about childbirth. You have sex (woohoo! the fun part), waddle around for 9 months, spend 12-36 hours in a hospital, and voila. Baby. Happens all the time.

I admit that I'm bitter. When I graduated with my Bachelor's I was sooo happy and proud of myself. I had the highest GPA in the College of Fine Arts, received the "Outstanding Graduating Theatre Student" Award, and, since it was a BFA, proved my acting ability in a Senior Project. A combo of academic and artistic challenges. I was stoked. To my family, I may as well not even existed. Because my sister was due to give birth to my nephew in June.

I busted my ass for four years...worked incredibly hard. Had practically all A's and worked on the vast majority of the productions we did, including two summers of children's theatre. And all my mother could go on about was the baby. At my graduation, they didn't even stay. We didn't go to dinner. My sister left as soon as the ceremony was over because she was tired and cranky and grumpy. Yeah, she was 7 1/2 months pregnant. But it was MY motherfucking graduation and I have done a LOT of shit I didn't want to for her.

I did let them all know how upset it all made me, and when I got my Master's they made up for it by road-tripping to KC and spending a whole day with me, taking me out to dinner and all that jazz. But I never understood it. Of course I was excited to be an aunt and have a nephew. And I love both my neice and nephew dearly. But I just don't get it.

Whenever people bug me about it, I simply say that I want a husband first. I would like to get married, to have someone to share my life with. But I feel absolutely zero obligation to provide the world with more offspring.

[Amethyst Hunter]

I'm one of the very few lucky people who hasn't yet hit the full force of this kind of nonsense. My parents in general seem to be okay with my being CF (childfree, for those not in the know) and my mom has even commented approvingly with related comments like "I don't think women over 30 should have kids because it's such a physical toll" (I'm 32, for reference) and "not everyone is cut out for parenting."

I have had a few minorly annoying comments before, mostly from my brother who apparently seems to think that since he's reproduced, he is now an expert on the world and everything in it. I more or less shrug him off. Sorry, not interested in getting fat(ter), literally splitting my sides open (I've heard more than enough birth horror stories) and then putting up with all kinds of shit both literal and figurative for the next 20 years. Those Hallmarky moments only last but a few seconds, y'know.

My nephew is fun because I can give him back, and I get to be the Weird Cool Adult.

[Cat]

Thankfully my family has given up on me......my cuz just had a kid and our grandmother even said that she was okay with just having the one great-grandkid

[Boozy]

my mom has even commented approvingly with related comments like "I don't think women over 30 should have kids because it's such a physical toll"

Yeah, all of us in our 30's are ambling around with walkers, complaining about our arthritis.

[Flyndaran]

Yeah, all of us in our 30's are ambling around with walkers, complaining about our arthritis.

Seriously though, the risk of birth defects, not the least of which is down syndrome, are massively increased for the children of mothers over 30.
I know that being healthy and careful will reduce those risks, but they are still not a joking matter.

(In the interest of full disclosure, my great grandmother had kids while in her 50's and all of them turned out healthy.)

My girlfriend really does dislike children. Seeing her family, as much as I love her with all of my heart and will for the rest of my life, I don't want her genes continuing on mixed up with mine or anyone self for that matter. She's the only one of her generation in her family that hasn't been in jail, on drugs, or suffer mental illness. Talk about black sheep, she's the white sheep of her family. It's creepy.

For me the it's never been an issue because of my crippling anxiety and lack of job, depending on my mother for total financial support. Social security doesn't consider hiding in the closet during attacks, and rarely leaving the apartment alone a legitimate handicap.

I do feel the faint urge to procreate, but it's easily supressable with logic. Even with adequate funds, and lucky rolls on the gene dice, kids just wouldn't fit with our life... not just because if I can't say no to my cats, what hope do I have parentinig.

Small children are like old drunks. They scream incoherently and without reason. They can't walk a straight line. They demand attention at the strangest hours. They vomit at the drop of a hat.
The real question should be, "Why do so many people like these things?"

I guess "icky" can override even genetic imperative.

[lordlundar]

I'm doing society a FAVOR! I must be, considering every time I talk to someone for 5 minutes they tell me not to have kids.

(I'm kidding of course, but it wouldn't surprise me)

[blas87]

Uh sorry, but the risk of Downs Syndrome is higher for women over 40 who get pregnant and have children.

I totally agree with Lace and the others. I hate children. I absolutely hate them. I don't think their shrieking is cute. I hate hearing children singing. I hate their little smells. I hate their messes. I come from a huge extended family, it won't be a big loss if I never have any kids....

Plus I'm totally selfish and vain and will never change. So it's best that I don't get pregnant. It's more important to me to stay thin, keep my figure, keep a healthy weight, keep my breasts young and somewhat firm and agree with gravity as long as I can, and keep my body as stretch mark and pooch-free as I can. And I do love my cigarettes and my alcohol. I would be infuriated if I couldn't drink for 9 months. I'm no alcoholic but I do enjoy going out and having a few.

I doubt that that will really change with age. I may wind down the partying as I get older and if I do by some miracle of God find a decent man to settle down with, but I never want to be the pregnant woman in the kitchen and the Mommy who does all the kiddy's laundry and taking them to school and their little soccer games. Ugh, NO WAY.

On second thought, screw the man. An adult life similar to that of Carrie Bradshaw seems a lot more rewarding than being Mommy of the Year and a trophy wife.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Yeah, all of us in our 30's are ambling around with walkers, complaining about our arthritis.

Uh sorry, but the risk of Downs Syndrome is higher for women over 40 who get pregnant and have children.

I haven't read the stats myself, but I do know that the older one is, the chances of birth defects/genetic disorders rise, and this tends to start at about 30 and on up, rising drastically by the time one hits 40s.

But it's not just that kind of physical toll that my mom (or I) was thinking of. There's the 9 months of misery during which one risks gestational diabetes (and I believe that once you get diabetes, you're stuck with it for life - no thanks, my family risk for that is high enough already) or preeclampsia (your BP shoots through the roof and can induce stroke), and then there's the joy of puking your guts out every damn morning because the slightest little thing sets your stomach off, whether you've eaten or not.

You can get cavities - the fetus is literally leeching all the calcium out of the host's body so it's not uncommon for mothers to report more dental problems.

Then there's labor/birth - not that I would know, but I've heard the closest comparison is having a kidney stone. I remember seeing my dad curled up on the floor in sweating face-clenched agony from his kidney stone back in 2002 - and when he finally passed it the damn thing turned out to be no bigger than a grain of pepper! Pain and I do NOT get along, so needless to say, that alone makes me take a big pass on the whole reproduction deal.

Did you know that it's also common for you to tear during vaginal delivery? Yeah, in THAT place. NononononononoHELLno. *does a Michael Jackson and grabs crotch protectively* I don't even like going to the gyno's if I can help it!

And assuming one gets through all of that misery relatively unscathed, then there's the actual rearing. You get no sleep for probably the first year and a half, and if you can't for whatever reason breastfeed your boobs are still going to produce the milk, so they'll be leaking constantly and you may even have to express them yourself (eeeeewwwww). Once Junior becomes mobile, then you're spending your time running after them almost 24/7 because being endowed with natural curiosity, the kid is going to want to touch EVERYTHING - and I do mean EVERYthing - in your house from top to bottom and in-between, and those breakable knickknacks you have for decorations? Get ready to kiss at least a couple of those babies (no pun intended) goodbye, because accidents do happen.

Toddler years, embarrassment city as Child happily blurts out things he/she shouldn't say in front of particular people. Teenage years...'nuff said. (Though granted, I know that not all teens are psychotic raving beasts from hell)

So yeah. An approximate 20 years put in to TRYING to raise a decent well-adjusted adult (and there's no guarantee either)...and this is why grandparents flee to Florida (Or Vegas or whatever).

Nah, I think I'll just spend my time and money (what there is of it) on me. 'Tis more fun.

Plus I'm totally selfish and vain and will never change.

I knew there was a reason I liked you, Blas!

[MystyGlyttyr]

I've found that being completely honest with people will usually shock them into their senses.

"I have the feeling I'd be one of those mothers who'd snap and end up drowning her children or beating them to death because they wouldn't stop crying. I'd rather not delve to that level of evil if I don't have to."

Seriously, my nephew visiting for a weekend drives me completely insane. When he's here, all I want to do is hide in my bedroom and lock the door. He's a pest, he's annoying, I don't like him, I only put up with him because of the required level of biological love that insists I protect him. Even at that, sometimes it's all I can do not to just piledrive him into the ground when he won't fucking LEAVE ME ALONE.

Further, there's enough evidence to convince me that having children might risk me passing on my Aspergers to the next generation (my father has it, and possibly his mother as well). And while I've come to terms with it and usually even enjoy it, there still come times where I bang my head against the wall and pray to everything that's holy please God make me normal. And I'm not even still in the hellhole that was being the weird kid in school. I would never want to willingly inflict that on another person.

I admit, though, if the right guy came along (and when I say right, I mean PERFECT), would I rethink? Maybe. But at this point in my life, with the knowledge I have now, there's no way in hell I can imagine kids.

[IDrinkaRum]

I will admit that, for the longest time, I didn't want children. I have worked a toy store at Christmas (and I literally kept Tylenol in business in the short 2 1/2 months I worked there) and I also taught Pre-School and worked in the After-School program at a Day Care that was near my house. I seriously, seriously didn't want kids.

But for me, when I found out I was pregnant, I changed. I haven't been thin in years, but I was over 200 pounds (still am) and I was worried about the health of my baby and myself (ended up having a c-section because of my health problems). Holding my daughter for the first time ... it was a miracle for me.

Everyone is different. Joe and Jolene Schmoe down the street don't want kids? That's their prerogative. Why should I care what they do in their private life?

I'm happy with my daughter. If I got pregnant now, and FTR, I'm 36, I'd have to take a special test to see if the child I carried had Down's Syndrome. The risk increases at 35. Though at the pre-school Child Rum went to for 2 years, there a little boy with Down's Syndrome whose mother was 16 when she had him, so not all Downs children are born to older parents.

I just say this:

If you're happy with however you choose to live your life (have no children or have 36), then it shouldn't be anyone else's concern. If others make it their concern, tell them in no uncertain terms that their questions are unwanted, unneeded and if they don't stop, then you'll not have any contact with them until they learn some manners.

[Flyndaran]

...

I'm happy with my daughter. If I got pregnant now, and FTR, I'm 36, I'd have to take a special test to see if the child I carried had Down's Syndrome. The risk increases at 35. Though at the pre-school Child Rum went to for 2 years, there a little boy with Down's Syndrome whose mother was 16 when she had him, so not all Downs children are born to older parents.
....

Actually, I beleive that the risk for such chromosomal defects is slightly greater than average for teen mothers. The human woman was designed to procreate in her twenties if she so chose.

But bad luck can hit anyone any time for no reason. All we can do is reduce risks, and rarely get to eliminate them.

[IDrinkaRum]

Thanks for the bit of information Flyndaran. I didn't know that. There is a semi-new study about how the older the father is, the more likely the child will be to have Autism. (If the father is 40+).

But as I said before: You don't want to spawn? Don't. And no explanations are necessary. Personal, private beliefs. Anyone gets too nosy or whatever, just tell them off (as politely or non-politely as possible).