Annoyed beyond all belief

[king4aday]

So I decided to post over here on fratching because I wasn't sure how heated the thread would get on CS. This has happened to me all this past weekend.

Now just as a preface, I am a gay man who doesn't hide the fact that I am gay nor do I really advertise it. With that said, it isn't all that hard to tell with some of my mannerisms or the way I talk. This isn't something that I can help, its just who I am. With that said, here is my little rant:

All weekend we had sports teams in the hotel. ALL weekend whenever I would answer the phone I would say "front desk this is _____." Now my name is a very obvious MALE name, you can't get it confused with a female name. Almost every time one of the guys from these sports teams would answer back they would say "Hi Ma'am..." and then close they would say "thank you ma'am." I even had one guy say "thank you ma'am" as he was walking away from me after he checked in. His buddies all thought it was HILARIOUS.

I am very obviously male, and I would really like to be treated like one. Just because I am gay it doesn't mean that I am any less of a guy. I still like watching sports, playing video games, etc. I don't know if I am just being very over sensitive but I was pretty insulted by it all weekend.

[Andara Bledin]

Nah, you're not being overly serious; they were douchebags.

If you know who they're with, you could mail in a complaint to their coach/establishment, etc, about how rude they were and how they're making the establishment in question look bad.

Keep it to a single event, such as the guy at the desk and his buddies, and frame it as though you were an observer and not the target. Maybe even have someone write it for you to keep the tone less personal.

[HYHYBT]

They were clearly doing it to make fun of you. It's not being oversensitive to take offense at being deliberately insulted. (Which, of course, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with being a woman. Deliberately calling women "he," "sir," etc. would likewise be an insult.)

An occasional "ma'am," especially over the phone, could easily be simple error, and as annoying as that gets, it's nothing to take offense at. This is totally different.

[Pixilated]

I have a rather low voice and it's not unusual for me to be addressed as "Sir" on the phone. (Have to admit that it comes in handy: telemarketers seem to be more willing to take a flat "Not interested" from a male-sounding voice ....)

However, I do not look like a "Sir" and if somebody was calling me "Sir" to my face, I would definitely get more than a little PO'd. Especially if it was happening over and over again.

You're not being over-sensitive. They were proving their manly studliness by being assholes. I second Andara's suggestion that you bring it to the attention of somebody higher up on the food chain, and I think it's a great idea to have it written by somebody else as though they were a witness. Having the general public make it clear that they are ticked off about something that didn't personally affect them can be quite effective.

[s_stabeler]

over the phone- could be a legitimate mistake

in person- either such a dumbass they really need a minder or they are assholes.

[LewisLegion]

Most people on here know, but since I don't recall seeing you before I'm going to say up front that I'm actually a girl, despite my username.

That said, my girlfriend gets this CONSTANTLY, to the reverse. I think she's beautiful (naturally) and honestly, I don't get why people think she's a dude all the time. She dresses pretty much the same as I do (and I never get mistaken for a man). The only thing is she keeps her hair functionally short for work. She doesn't sound like a man, and while she's not the most hugely endowed woman out there, she's very plainly got boobs.

At best, she's bordering on androgenous with a female lean. Yet she's constantly called 'sir' or 'lad' at work by customers, and sometimes even her speaking doesn't clue them into the fact she's a girl. MY voice is deeper than hers for crying out loud, but they just seem to mentally chalk her up to being a young boy instead of a man. Why they think a young boy who hasn't hit puberty yet is working as an engineer and technician, I have no clue.

She even gets this in restrooms. She's had women yell at her that she's in the wrong loo and give her dirty looks, even AFTER she says 'I'm a woman'.

I could kind of understand it if she were MORE androgenous, but c'mon. Short hair does not equal 'male'. Again, you'd think the boobs would be a dead giveaway.

[Stone]

Now, I'm not saying that these specific cases were not because of your sexuality, but it's certainly possible that it wasn't the case. Which isn't to say that these people are not still arseholes. Because they are.

But back to what I was saying. I get this too. Sometimes quite often. And always to my face. I've developed several working theories. I wear a uniform to work, a button down shirt that is a bit baggy on me. I have a large chest. Maybe these clods think I have breasts? (I don't even have man-boobs, just a large ribcage.) Sometimes my hair gets a bit long (my mom calls me a hippy when it does, but in reality it never gets past shoulder length ). Maybe they assume hair past ear=female? I have a distinct lack of facial hair. No idea. I once asked a person who did this (she seemed quite embarrased) what and why. Her answer: Oh you have such a young looking face. Ok, so looking young=female. Got it. I even had a guy once that alternated the two (Mr and Ma'am). There is really no excuse for that, but there you go.

So when this happens to you, don't assume it's your sexuality, because in all likelihood it probably isn't. Those guys that were laughing, maybe they were laughing at their idiot friend that failed at using your correct gender identifier? Or, yeah, maybe the guy was being a dick and his buddies were all arseholes as well.

[wolfie]

Deliberately calling women "he," "sir," etc. would likewise be an insult.

Except in the steroetypical case of a hotel employee entering the room to carry out some duty, not realizing that an undressed woman is present, and saying "Excuse me, sir" as they are leaving (implying that they didn't notice anything beyond a person being present).

[protege]

Nah, you're not being overly serious; they were douchebags.

Yep, they were just being assholes. Typical jock behavior, IMHO.

[Mytical]

When I am online, I have to tell people "I'm a guy" because I apparently write 'female' (don't ask me to explain how one writes female, I do not know). Even on the phone from time to time I get called 'Ma'm'. Never face to face there is nobody who would confuse me as female. People can be a bit dense sometimes.

[Gravekeeper]

When I am online, I have to tell people "I'm a guy" because I apparently write 'female' (don't ask me to explain how one writes female, I do not know). Even on the phone from time to time I get called 'Ma'm'. Never face to face there is nobody who would confuse me as female. People can be a bit dense sometimes.

I don't know how one "writes" female. >.>

I get the "Ma'am" thing on occasion at work. I use to get it once and a while in person when I had long hair. But in fairness, my hair was gorgeous.

[Andara Bledin]

Different genders tend to express themselves differently. It's not a huge thing, and obviously not entirely accurate, but it does exist. More feminine individuals will tend to use more words to bond with the reader while masculine individuals are more interested in imparting information.

It must be true, a computer says so. (no, not being sarcastic )

I tend to write with a very feminine style, and in most writing forums, I'm assumed to be female, while my debate style tends to be more masculine, and I will be referred to as "he" even after stating otherwise. *shrug*

[Aethian]

Even on the phone from time to time I get called 'Ma'm'.

Didn't we talk on the phone before? I don't get this one.

[Andara Bledin]

In cases where someone calls another "sir" or "ma'am" despite it being obviously wrong, I would suspect it's due to distraction.

I've sometimes been writing emails while talking over the phone for business reasons, and I've called people by the wrong name. It's embarrassing.

[Mytical]

Didn't we talk on the phone before? I don't get this one.

I think we have, and I have never figured it out either. Then again I am an odd duck lol.