NOT a compliment?

[kaycivine]

I wasn't sure if this should go into Life Advice or Fratching cause I don't know how big of a deal it is to others, but let me start out like this;

I am a victim of sexual assault. Multiple times throughout my life. By people I trusted and by almost near strangers, so as a result, I'm a heavy advocate for punishment for sex crimes and victim's rights, etc.


There is that background.

Yesterday, while walking to work, a man in a jeep attempted to cut me off my path and hit on me, as well as told me to get in the car. I gave him a flipped finger and pointed to the BIG FUCKING BUSY STORE on both sides of us. Oh, and due to my job, I have a whistle on my neck.


He kept trying to call to me vocally and I just gave his car a wide berth (since he was an idiot in how he tried to cut me off anyways.) I was within my work within 3 minutes I encountered my boss and bitched about the guy, and he told me "you should take it as a compliment"


....I should take being creeped on as a compliment? I know my boss didn't mean bad by it. But after putting a bitchfest on my FB (Cause another creeper moment happened the week before, also on a Monday. Some guy kept staring and following me around the area of work and coffee shop I relax at.)

Two other guys told me on FB that I should take it as a compliment. And when I mentioned last week's creeper episode...the question of what I was wearing was asked

So now I'm sitting here, feeling at complete odds about how to approach people by letting them know, that at least to me, saying this kind of thing is NOT okay. Being aggressively approached or made uncomfortable because of a man OR woman's lack of control is NOT a compliment. It's not something that should raise my self esteem, and it does NOT make me an attractive person just because creepers wanted me, took me, etc.

This is NOT okay. How to I let them know, without sacrificing too much of my personal history to those who don't know (I used to be open about it but after some other events I clammed up)

This just really eats me up inside, maybe a bit too much.

[Greenday]

Harassment isn't a compliment. I'm not sure where people get the idea that it is from.

[Andara Bledin]

No, you shouldn't take people being obnoxious and demeaning as a compliment.

How you let them know is that you tell them "No." No explanation, no reasons (because some will try to fix those to get around them. Just "No."

Also, the question about what you were wearing is victim blaming. Trying to claim that what you were wearing is somehow responsible for some other person lacking any self-control or common decency is just not cool.

[kaycivine]

"

Also, the question about what you were wearing is victim blaming. Trying to claim that what you were wearing is somehow responsible for some other person lacking any self-control or common decency is just not cool.

What made it worse was someone who knew what I went through asked this.

....I soooo wanted to punch them

[Sarah Valentine]

*hugs* Definitely NOT ok! I myself have only been a victim once, but even before I was I absolutely hated when guys acted/spoke like that. That kind of behavior is terrible, nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable/unsafe because of some creepy asshole. By the way what you're wearing is completely irrelevant, nobody should be treated like an object.

[s_stabeler]

I think I know the (flawed) logic these idiots have going through their heads.

it goes- someone is attracted to you- you should feel it's a compliment they creeper thinks you are attractive.

the flaw in their logic is obvious- aside from the fact that you can't necessarily tell if it's someone who would do this to any woman- that most people don't particularly care for someone who clearly cares only about appearance hitting on them.

[Andara Bledin]

The reason a lot of guys try to brush off behavior like this is because they don't want to admit to themselves that they're creepy assholes when they do the same things.

Then there are a lot of people who are utterly incompetent at interacting.

[TheHuckster]

Someone who hits on you once? Yeah, that's a compliment, or at the very least flattery.

Someone who continues to hit on you after you've made it clear you're not interested? NOT a compliment, nor should you be expected to take it as such.

[siead_lietrathua]

cat calls aren't compliments. it's idiocy. if you are actually interested in someone you can treat them politely.
people suck.

[Lachrymose]

A loud, resounding NOT OKAY from me also. (FWIW I'm a dude.)

[KitterCat]

I'm in agreement with the Huckster. Once is a compliment or flattery. After that all bets are off. You showed this guy you weren't interested. Following you around a parking lot isn't going to change that.

Why so many people write behavior like this off is beyond me. And apologies to the men on this board, but a lot of the time in these story's I've noticed it's a guy saying that this behavior should be treated like a compliment. I could understand if her bosse said he couldn't do anything about it, since I'm guessing the creeper would have already left, but to at least have a little empathy instead of dismissing the complaint. Is that to hard to ask for?

[blas87]

I've been followed around stores and I've been hit on at my mailbox at my old apartment by a passerby, and I've also been walking and had a vehicle whip a U turn and stop, assumingly waiting for me to walk by. I've added people from work on FB and tried to be friendly, and I've had guys message me NON stop compulsively until I had no choice but to block them, I've been asked out daily by the same guy I told NO to every day until I had to threaten to go to HR on him, and I've had flowers put on my car by that same guy.

I don't care how pathetic your life is that you think you need to tear me down for calling a lot of men creepers, or if you wish you got male attention or whatever, I have zero tolerance for whatever I may consider creepy male behavior. I can call it whatever I want and consider it whatever I want.

Oops, I went off topic there, but that was basically saying what I hate even more than guys pushing off behavior like that, are GIRLS who say things like "Not ALL guys are creepy!" or "You should feel LUCKY so many guys ask you out!" when if they spent even a week in my shoes and went through all the FB stalkers I've had, the creepers at work, and whatnot, they'd want to go to work in a gunnysack too.

[LadyBarbossa]

Nope, not ok, NOT a compliment.

If you like someone, you flirt, see if they reciprocate, maybe ask them out for coffee or in my case, something geeky. You do NOT follow them around, on foot/vehicle/horse/what have you. That would scare the shit out of me.