More Poor Arguments

[blas87]

We've covered flakes I don't how many times on here. There's really no excuse for being such a shitty person. However, some people think their excuses or arguments will really work.

Say you have a dinner date with someone you like, and about a half hour prior, you get a text that that person isn't feeling so well or is upset at their roommate or whatever, so "How about you just come over and hang out instead?"

Naturally, I'll say no. If you don't feel good, I'm not coming over, and two...."hanging out" at a guy's house is not a date. It's usually a way to get out of spending money or putting effort into a girl, and usually just trying to get into her pants, because you don't see her as good enough to take on a real date.

So I say no and say I'll probably just go home or do whatever instead, and that it really sucks because I was looking forward to the date, and I get back something really rude like "You have NO idea what it's like to be a homeowner and how much money that costs! You think I can just go out all the time and pay for stuff?!"

Or the one my ex loved to pull the most was the "kid" card, constantly blowing me off at the last second, and when I'd get mad for him not telling me sooner, he'd scream at me that I didn't have kids and I had no idea how to budget and how much money it costs to have a family and that he can't just take me places and do stuff with me. Then again, he never did. But the girl he cheated on me with, he took her out every day the first few months they were together

Sorry, but your argument has to match the real argument. Don't blow someone off and then kick and scream because you own a house and that person doesn't. That has nothing to do with the fact that you don't want to go out to eat with that person. Don't throw it in someone's face that you have kids and child support to pay, as a way to excuse blowing off going to a concert with someone that you promised you'd take them to.

[Gravekeeper]

Naturally, I'll say no. If you don't feel good, I'm not coming over, and two...."hanging out" at a guy's house is not a date. It's usually a way to get out of spending money or putting effort into a girl, and usually just trying to get into her pants, because you don't see her as good enough to take on a real date.

I was going to say that's a pretty unfair sweeping generalization, then I realized your luck with men seems awful. >.>

[blas87]

Be that as it may , I must respectfully disagree with you, my dear GK.

It took me quite a big mental pill to swallow that I was to blame for a lot of my own bad luck. One quote really changed my life..."What you allow will continue". I let a few too many not have to even try.

So, as much as it may seem I've gone slightly into bitch mode, it's weeded out a lot of losers. It really has. Even if it hurts to see someone you really were looking forward to getting to know....hell, if he tries to wiggle out of a real date, I'm not interested. I want a "real" date like any other girl gets. I'm not just a girl you text at 10:00 pm to come over and cuddle, because you're "so busy" you can't take me out to dinner or a movie, but you always have time to ask me over late at night. I don't ask for expensive restaurants or big theater tickets to big glamorous shows, I just want effort. Nothing irks me more than "Do you just wanna come over instead?" If we start dating exclusively, we have forever to just sit around and cuddle and you can poke my rear end with your boner all you want.

It just really sucks some people's arguments are so lame. So very lame. You owning your own home and me not has nothing to do with the fact that you just decided you didn't want to go out with me anymore, and you wanted to change the plans.

[HYHYBT]

If you don't have the money to take someone to a concert or whatever, is it that hard to arrange a less expensive date in the first place instead of calling off and complaining about it? (Likewise if you don't like concerts, and so on...)

This sort of relates... theoretically, I'd rather have a well-matched husband than be single. But I'd also rather stay solitary than go through the horror of dating.

[Greenday]

blas, you sure you don't want to move to New Jersey...? I'd be happy to wine and dine you. AC and Philly are right nearby. You're totally missing out.

I'm trying to make my long distance relationship work. We only get to see each other once every few months. I saw her around Christmas/New Years. Next time I see her will be the end of March. I wanted her to come visit me during spring break but she got a one week internship with an activist group instead. She's trying to get an internship for the full summer. I turn 26 in two weeks. I'm trying to start my life. I want to be settled down. But she's got 2 more years of law school, not an American citizen (Which complicates my work) and has no intention of getting citizenship here. I love her but I just don't feel like it's going anywhere permanently. We'd love to get married but I'm not marrying someone I can't live with.

I don't know how I always pick such complicated relationships.

[blas87]

I'm not so sure I'd fit in very well on the east coast, Green Day I'm kind of a small city bumpkin...lol.

Though I am in huge need of a vacation or at least just to be in a different place for a few days!

I thought I was getting better at picking dates, I really was. But as soon as they go and try to cancel the date or try to make it easier for them, I'm really turned off. I mean, if you don't even want to meet me at Starbucks for coffee and a brownie or take me to a dark movie, I'm not sure why I should even waste my time on you. It really hurts the self esteem, I can tell ya that, when you realize that a guy you're interested in doesn't feel like putting in any effort or trying very hard.

I mean, seriously....I come from a place where a "fancy dinner out" is the damned Olive Garden. We don't have $150 for two people steakhouses here. We have Joe Blow and Jim Blow steakhouses, maybe $50 at most for two people, though I have steak so much at home I'm not huge on it for going out to eat.

It's not like I'm a huge brat or a princess. I just want some effort. Ya know? I see other girls get taken on dates. I just wonder if I'm the only girl that guys pull that shit on.

And if money truly is that big of an issue....just don't ask a girl on a date. Worry about a job or saving money instead. And don't take it out on the poor girl when she gets mad that you want to cancel the date and just invite her over instead. Girls get real excited over dates and put a lot of time into them. It's not fair to not only do something like that, then lash out at them with a really bad argument.

[Gravekeeper]

Be that as it may , I must respectfully disagree with you, my dear GK.

I'm curious as to the local asshole ratio of your area. It seems unusually high by your accounts.

I mean, its not like dating has to be a horrible expensive affair. Especially in the modern days of 50/50. I've been off work for basically a year with health problems and I can still swing coffee and a movie. >.>

[Andara Bledin]

I was going to say that's a pretty unfair sweeping generalization, then I realized your luck with men seems awful. >.>

That is exactly what I was thinking through that whole thing.

Plus, the idea that it's about the venue and not the person comes off as really shallow.

[the_std]

Plus, the idea that it's about the venue and not the person comes off as really shallow.

Yeeeah, but it's not just about the venue. It's about the effort. It's about the idea that blas is someone worth getting off the couch and showering for.

I've had first dates where we went out and did something really fancy, and I've had first dates that were a movie on the couch at home, and while neither of them was really an indicator of how much the person I went out with cared about me, they were an indication of their personality type and their comfort level with different levels of socialization.

While I was just fine with the couch surfers and the fancy restauranters alike, maybe blas just prefers someone who is going to show that they want to take her out, make it special and not just another day at home.

That's my interpretation anyways. I could be wrong - we'll see what blas has to say.

[TheHuckster]

To me the first date is all about first impression. Just like job interviews, you need to make an good impression, and sitting around the house gives many dates the fear that they simply don't like going out doing things and are boring. In my dating days, I always wanted to expose my more outgoing and social aspect, and would always try something unique or fun. Later on in the relationship you can show your more mellow and laid back self, but that's after you've gotten a bit comfortable.

I wound up with a wife who I still enjoy doing unique and fun activities with, even though we often have just as much fun lying on the couch watching movies at home.

So, I don't blame blas one bit for being turned off by someone who cancels a first date promising something fun, and then asks to just hang out at home.

[Andara Bledin]

So, I don't blame blas one bit for being turned off by someone who cancels a first date promising something fun, and then asks to just hang out at home.

She never said it was a first date.

Also, my viewpoint is that dating is a fucking sideshow and have never had anything to do with it.

If you (generic) have to "sell yourself" or "be sold on someone" in order to consider them or be considered as mate material, I think the priorities are a bit askew.

[TheHuckster]

Also, my viewpoint is that dating is a fucking sideshow and have never had anything to do with it.

If you (generic) have to "sell yourself" or "be sold on someone" in order to consider them or be considered as mate material, I think the priorities are a bit askew.

It's not about selling yourself. It's about showing them who you are, which I prefer to do in a public place where you're around strangers rather than in either person's house where one of them is in a comfort zone. It's also about partaking in an activity that neither would typically do by themselves, and sometimes if one has an interest that the other is curious about, it's a good opportunity to invite them to join them in that activity.

And when I look for a mate, I find partaking in activities from time to time rather than being a stick in the mud with no desire to go outside once in a while to be a huge deciding factor. So, no, I'm not doing that to "sell myself" or make her "sell herself" to me. I'm doing that because I have a specific desire to go on adventures with my mate.

[Andara Bledin]

How does a comment about dating turn into "going on adventures?"

Dating is usually dressing up in clothes you don't normally wear, making yourself look nicer than you normally look, and behaving in ways you don't normally behave while going to places you don't normally go to. How can you possibly get to know anything about a person in such a situations?

And how does thinking dating is a crock equate to being a stick in the mud? The one doesn't follow the other.

[Kheldarson]

How does a comment about dating turn into "going on adventures?"

Dating is usually dressing up in clothes you don't normally wear, making yourself look nicer than you normally look, and behaving in ways you don't normally behave while going to places you don't normally go to. How can you possibly get to know anything about a person in such a situations?

And how does thinking dating is a crock equate to being a stick in the mud? The one doesn't follow the other.

Because people view dating as different things?

TheHuckster views it as going out and doing things of various types, thereby showing his date what it is he's interested in. Therefore, he'd obviously like a date who'd reciprocate with similar adventurous type dates, rather than just invite him to her home and sit around.

To one with such a view, that means even going out to dinner (dressed to the nines and all) is a chance to reveal something about yourself and your date (how comfortable you are in such a setting, what kinds of foods you eat, mannerisms there, etc).

You seem to view it as a pageantry, where one simply hides one true self until you've caught the other. That just means your dating style is different.

It seems to me that blas probably has a closer opinion on dating to TheHuckster, in that she'd like to go out and do things with her date rather than just visit at their home.

[siead_lietrathua]

sometimes dates are just fun to do... being home all the time sucks, and having a plan to go out become a chillin at home night can totally suck if it's a sudden change.
going out on dates is actually pretty important. it's part of the little things that can help a relationship last. even if it's just fastfood and a cheap movie, it's still goin out and havin fun together instead of the monotony of home life.