More Poor Arguments

[blas87]

I don't find it shallow at all.

As far as dressing as I normally don't....well, that's up for debate, because I have a job that really cramps my style a bit (very casual), but when I'm not at work and out and about I like to look nicer.

I spend so much time chillin in my room, watching TV and movies.....really, the last thing I want to do when I'm first getting to know someone is to do that. To me, it leaves the impression that they really don't see me worth putting any effort into. Usually the trying to make plans late at night and randomly like that hint at that as well.

Some of my favorite dates in the last year were getting ice cream at Cold Stone then sitting outside talking for a long time, going to watch the Packer games at a few local bars/sports bars, none of those times did it ever cost very much money and it gave a chance to get to know someone out in public. That way you can also see how a person behaves in public.

Std and Huckster really hit the nail on the head with what they think I'm talking about.

Like I said before, I'm not Paris Hilton. I don't need to be chaufferred to the fanciest restaurant and taken to the ballet then to the most exclusive nightclub (we don't have ANY of that here anyway!). Hell, I drive myself because I don't want guys knowing where I live until I'm comfortable with them, and as I had already mentioned, it isn't about the venue itself more as it is, is this guy going to put some effort into me, or is he going to just pull the "Come over and cuddle instead" line on me. It just turns me off.

If we hit it off and start dating, we can hang at his house and cuddle whenever the hell we want. Why not at least try to act like a gentleman and take a girl out and show her a good time when you're trying to get to know her?

Or, if you no longer want to go on a date date with someone, just cancel. Just cancel. Don't ask her "why don't you just come over instead", because that just really hurt me. I'd rather he just cancelled on me.

[TheHuckster]

Dating is usually dressing up in clothes you don't normally wear, making yourself look nicer than you normally look, and behaving in ways you don't normally behave while going to places you don't normally go to. How can you possibly get to know anything about a person in such a situations?

That's what dating is if you live in the universe of Sex and the City. That isn't what dating is for me, nor was/is it for my spouse, either. A date could be as fancy as fine dining followed by watching live theater, or as simple as a dressed-down dinner at a chain restaurant followed by a walk in the park... or perhaps a day trip to a nearby attraction. They still weren't places we normally went to, and in certain cases, we weren't dressed as we were normally dressed, but so what? We enjoyed eachother's company, and while we also enjoy eachother's company on the couch, if we did that every single night without some date-night time, we'd both be going crazy.

[Racket_Man]

I'm curious as to the local asshole ratio of your area. It seems unusually high by your accounts.

I mean, its not like dating has to be a horrible expensive affair. Especially in the modern days of 50/50. I've been off work for basically a year with health problems and I can still swing coffee and a movie. >.>

GK :

The asshole ratio in the whole state is quite high no matter where in the state you go. I see it too often in my area (on the other side of the state from Blas)


HEck my Ex and I used to actually plan (as in in advance) a date night. a night where we could get a babysitter for the whole night. do the dress up thing with a nice dinner out, a movie and "fun" activities afterward WITHOUT interruption.

But then again a sit down at a McDonalds or just a movie for the family was nice too.

[protege]

I mean, its not like dating has to be a horrible expensive affair.

Agreed. With my last relationship, I'd actually known her for awhile. I met her my college sophomore year. We didn't start dating until my senior year...mainly because our schedules never quite lined up. Plus, she was dating an asshole at the time

But seriously, the first time we went out was a low-buck affair. We're talking a roadside diner, which cost about $10 for both of us. Second date included sandwiches from Sheetz, and a couple of hours having dinner on the porch, and then hanging out at the farm. For us, it was all about getting to know each other...and less about trying to "buy" a relationship.

[BlaqueKatt]

I'm not so sure I'd fit in very well on the east coast, Green Day I'm kind of a small city bumpkin...lol.

So am I, and so far I love it here!

[Sleepwalker]

Some people like 'traditional dating', in which case it's important that their SO also be into 'traditional dating'- otherwise, at least one half of the relationship is going to be unhappy. Insert whatever activity you like into the square quotes- it's just as valid for OP to be pissed that her fella is backing out on going out as it would be for me to be annoyed that whenever I made plans to chill on the sofa with my SO, he dragged me out to the fucking Olive Garden again instead, and watched Supernatural with his buddies instead.

[Andara Bledin]

Second date included sandwiches from Sheetz, and a couple of hours having dinner on the porch, and then hanging out at the farm. For us, it was all about getting to know each other...and less about trying to "buy" a relationship.

But other people are saying that "hanging out" like that isn't a "real date."

Now, I don't argue that it's not right to be irritated that someone's called off plans you were looking forward to. That's perfectly natural and reasonable, especially if it happens regularly. Hanging out at home is not the same as going out and doing something.

My only complaint is the idea that you have to go out and do something for it to be a real date; that just strikes me as myopic and shallow.

[Kheldarson]

My only complaint is the idea that you have to go out and do something for it to be a real date; that just strikes me as myopic and shallow.

That's dependent on couple, and where you are in life.

To be frank, at this point, going out and doing something with my husband (and only my husband) constitutes a date. Staying at home and hanging out does not, because that's what we do every single other night of the week. It used to be that meeting up and hanging out in one of our dorm rooms or homes was enough (particularly when we were long distance), but that still meant that it was a specifically planned event.

For me, that's what dating is, a specifically planned event with the intent to get to know your desired partner better (or maintain the relationship). There's no right answer for everyone, but you can't say that someone else's preference is shallow over another's.

[bex1218]

If you planned something like an outing and then it gets changed to being stuck inside, it is not shallow to not want it.

[blas87]

I may kind of more traditional, especially with wanting to be changing things around and not making the mistakes I've made in the past. I kind of came up with an idea in my head that it's almost the way Bender sees it on the Breakfast Club...some girls he considers girlfriends, some he just considers.

To me, meaning, if a guy really likes a girl, he'll try to impress her or at least do something she'd be into or something she'd like, instead of putting zero effort in and just having her come over. Now, if he had a super awesome kitchen or was some chef or something and he invited her over for supper with no intention of trying to get her to stay the night, that'd be different. But as you can guess, no guy that's wanted me to come over has been a cook or had anything really to offer at home in lieu of a real date, except for hoping to get in my pants.

To me, it just seems there's a type of guy that just wants sex, so he won't try very hard if he thinks the girl is easy, or he'll try to make it easy for himself. Just basing off my own experiences.

[s_stabeler]

the way I see it, it's not really a good idea to cancel a date in favour of just hanging out. If it is agreed beforehand that you will be just hanging out? then it's fine.

[SongsOfDragons]

Our first date was a visit to the Sparsholt Agricultural College Lambing Event last February. Nothing like a charming slog over a student farm to watch all the babby lambies!! XD

We rarely set anything special. The odd movie, dinner out whenever he gets a gift from his godparents or something. We were already friends; a lot of the time we'd gather up with friends and go creeper-slaying on Minecraft.

[Gravekeeper]

My last first date was just a casual movie, dinner and some shopping. It was just testing the waters to see if we liked each other's company or not. ;p

[telecom_goddess]

You know I haven't been on many traditional type dates, and I for one would like it. But it just doesn't seem to happen anymore, and it's because people are getting lazier. In fact this whole thread has inspired me to ask my gf just what she plans to do to date me when she gets here

[HYHYBT]

In fact this whole thread has inspired me to ask my gf just what she plans to do to date me when she gets here

The death wish answer: "using the radiocarbon method."