Death (language, rant)

[siead_lietrathua]

i don't really have an outlet, and i'm in the pissed off and angry stage of greif right now, so ya'll get my bullshit. (since i want to spare the other greiving people in my life and keep it off FB)

FUCK death.
if there is some sort of diety out there, FUCK them for taking my friend before he even made 30.
FUCK that asshole for dying.
DOUBLE FUCK him for dying after he was recovering so fast from surgery where even the docs were fairly impressed.
TRIPLE FUCK him for JOKING about 'oh, the worst thing they can do here (hospital) is kill me.
FUCK random ass tumors.
FUCK hydrocephalus.
FUCK my grandma for saying he's in a better place, when by her religion, an athiest ex-jew fag would be burning, and she fucking knows it insensitive bitch.
FUCK myself for listening to him when he said he didn't want visitors until after he was moved to recovery. why the hell did i start listening to him now?
FUCK everyone bugging me for details when we don't know anything yet and i said i'd let you know when we did before you fuckin asked me again. STOP FUCKING ASKING!
FUCK everyone that insists i be some sort of rock to them when i'm dying inside (exception: his family)
FUCK greif
Fuck crying.
fuck everything.

Stupid ass basterd. you promised you'd be ok.

[Ghel]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. *Hugs* if you want them.

I had a similar reaction, with regard to deities, when my mom died. I flipped off the ceiling and said, "If there's a god, you're an asshole!"

I'm here if you need someone to talk with.

[siead_lietrathua]

thanks ghel.
i mostly just keep working. need to burn off the anger.
i don't care much on the diety point. it's moot.
the hypocrite grandma bugs me more lol.

[s_stabeler]

to be fair to the grandma, is it possible she's forgetting/not realised that said friend is the one her religion calls doomed to hell, and it trying to say your friend is in heaven? It's the usual meaning of that phrase.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend dying, especially so young, though.

[HYHYBT]

Condolences.

[SkullKing]

I am sorry for your loss.

I woud be happy to talk, if you need.

feel free to PM me too.

[siead_lietrathua]

to be fair to the grandma, is it possible she's forgetting/not realised that said friend is the one her religion calls doomed to hell, and it trying to say your friend is in heaven?

ehh, it's one of those 'you have to know her' things. she is saying heaven, but we both know she's only saying it to be nice and not out of honesty.

to everyone else: thanks. i mostly just needed to get it off my chest somewhere before i exploded and started smashing plates or some other steriotype.

[Racket_Man]

I can totally sympathize with your rant because I am going through the same thing myself but the passing has not occurred yet.

My GF was diagnosed with a degenerative brain disease about 3 years ago. I get the "fun" of watching her wither away (I am one of her primary caregivers) on a daily basis and (if the scant medical literature is correct) see her become a mindless vegetable and die about 2 or 3 years from now.

[siead_lietrathua]

@racketman. *hugs* i'm sorry hun. we had that with a grandparent. it's so damn hard.


adding to my hate-ness after the memorial: when a devout athiest (and anti-theist at times) gets one of the most heavy-handed preaching memorials ever. he would have either been laughing, or terribly insulted.
i don't mind the family/friends giving blessings and stuff because we knew him, and the hopes were honest and heartfelt for his afterlife. they sincerely believe he's in heaven, and i give no fault to prayers to that end, as i would not to those of us that expressed our different faiths after the ceremony. we knew him, and we hoped for the best for him.

but the funeral guy/ preacher/ whatever he is was actually trying to use his death to cause a come-to-christ for any of his friends that were also non-christians. seriously, we're there in grief and you are trying to smack us with conversion? talk about preying on people in their weak times. he called my friend someone that struggled with his faith. my friend didn't have faith to struggle with. kinda the point of being an athiest.
it probably bothers me more than it should, but i just thought it was rude for this person to preach to us about how an athiest now really realizes there 'really IS a god'. and how 'his death may be a struggle for us that don't have faith, but god will carry us through it and being us back to the faith through our pain'...
my tongue still aches from biting it. just sayin.

[Ree]

Death sucks!
I totally understand the anger.
Go ahead and vent and type it all out.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Seshat]

Vent out, comfort in. If the only people who were closer to your friend were his family, they're the only ones with any right to ask you to be a rock for them.

Grandma sounds like a real piece of work. And I agree that a memorial should be about the person - not about a faith he didn't even share. There are other venues for that.

[siead_lietrathua]

just for the record: it's my g-ma not his. his g-ma is a awesome chick

thanks guys.