Video Games

[anakhouri]

Well, not technically video games. I hate that they are in my house.

Husband loves video games. PC, Wii, DS. He plays whenever he can, which isn't much (he's having hernia surgery later this week though, and has to be off work for 10 days, so I bet he just plays video games the whole time).

Son is obsessed with video games. Today he was off school for President's Day and I let him play his 2DS for 3 hours this morning (usually he gets one hour after school) and he's been bugging me to watch one of those game play-throughs on Youtube (watching someone else you don't even know play a video game seems like the most boring thing ever to me, and apparently other adults feel the same way because there's an entire South Park episode about kids wanting to watch other people play video games on Youtube). When Son is not playing video games, he is talking about video games, or building Super Mario courses out of blocks, or drawing Minecraft layouts. This morning I was trying to get some cleaning done while he played and the (teething, fussy) baby slept, and every two minutes he was shoving his damn 2DS in my face asking me to read something for him, or look up what he had to do next (he is playing some Luigi game that is not very intuitive) or telling me what kind of video games he is going to design when he grows up.

Some days I just tell him I don't want to watch him play a game, I don't want to play a game while he watches, I don't want to talk about video games, we are going to talk about something else. NOW. Let's talk about this book we're reading or werewolves or kindergarten or SOMETHING THAT IS NOT ON A FUCKING SCREEN.

I dread the day the baby becomes a video game nut. He already worships his big brother so I have no doubt he will, and then I may just have to wear earmuffs all the time so I don't have to hear it.

[HYHYBT]

I don't at all understand the objection some people have to anything based on whether it happens to be "on a fucking screen" or not. I see no reason that should matter in the slightest; perhaps you can provide one. Or not, if you don't feel like it, but it sure does seem like a bizarre complaint.

Setting that aside, you may be surprised with the baby. My nephew loves video games. His year-and-a-bit younger sister doesn't care for them, though they do almost everything else together. When they started, the age difference was at a point where it meant he was consistently better than her at any game they tried. Since she never won, she didn't want to play, and so didn't get any better, and so on. Yours may turn out the same.

[TheHuckster]

It sounds like he's definitely found his passion, and if he wants to make that into a profession like designing video games, then I think it's a worthwhile career to pursue. There's a video game designer in my family, and he has a fun time doing it.

That being said, I can understand the frustration of being talked your ear off if you're not into the subject. I think it's important to teach as part of social development that if someone just isn't gung-ho about a certain topic, they should talk about mutual interests, and save the video game talk to people who are genuinely interested, like your husband.

I don't at all understand the objection some people have to anything based on whether it happens to be "on a fucking screen" or not. I see no reason that should matter in the slightest; perhaps you can provide one. Or not, if you don't feel like it, but it sure does seem like a bizarre complaint.

There's nothing wrong with having an interest, even a primary interest, that consists of "being on a screen" but I've seen these kinds of things become an obsession to the point that it interferes with their social, academic, or work-related lives, at which point it becomes a problematic addiction just like any addiction can be. If his grades are slipping or he's snubbing activities he really should partake in, then I could see how there's a concern.

These kinds of things are, of course, not restricted to things on a screen. People can be reading books, fishing, or playing basketball all day in lieu of getting good grades, and it's just as much a problem, regardless of whether their calling is to become an author or athlete.

[anakhouri]

By ' a fucking screen' I specifically meant video games, since they are played on a screen. But I do limit screen time; I'm not a 'no TV ever' hippie parent but when you're staring at a screen all the time you can't notice the world around you, and the main thing I want to instill in my children is an appreciation for the natural world and the sheer wonder of life, the universe and everything. The world is full of magic but you have to look, you can't do that when you're gaping at a phone or a Kindle or a TV all the time.

And I do worry about addiction, as video games seem much more likely to be the source of an addiction than anything else The Huckster mentioned; how many people lose their jobs and stop interacting with the world because they're busy reading books?

If he wants to be a video game designer, good for him, and I plan to encourage him to learn coding as soon as he's old enough. But I don't want to hear about it 24/7, and I want my kids to have a variety of interests.

[TheHuckster]

Just remember that kids are rebels by nature and if you try to push too hard to make them pursue other interests, they might push back even more, to the point they dislike those interests out of spite. If you notice something they take a mild interest in other than video games, be attentive to it and encourage it, but coyly. Heck, if he likes Rock Band as a video game, you could even try to see if he'd be interested in playing a real instrument.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Weirdly enough, I'm a video game nut. A lot of my free time goes into playing video games when I'm not at work, but quite a bit of my time also goes into writing, reading, researching, etc.

Another passion of mine is the natural world. Nothing is more beautiful to me than a full, open landscape without a single building to be seen. A lone wolf standing alert, and a wolf's howl rings my heart in a way that nothing else ever can.

My parents were the type to offer me activities (dance, sports, crafts, etc.) and had me try it for at least one "session" before I was allowed to say "I'm not interested in doing this anymore."

When I was in school I was a straight A student, High Honors, the whole shabang, and yet the vast majority of my free time was consumed with playing video games (or reading.)

I guess my point is;

Enjoying something on a fucking screen, and enjoying nature, are not mutually exclusive things. I fucking hate people who think that just because I spend a lot of time playing a video game, that I have no idea that there is this thing called the "out doors." That there are beings that look kind of like me, but slightly varying that are called "people" that I can interact with without having to push the A button and scroll through Buy, Sell, Quit.

From the sound of your posts, it sounds like you just hold disdain for video games in general (despite your claim otherwise) and you think (even if you won't say it) that playing them are a waste of time.

Video games ignited a creative spark in a mind of a kid; fueling him to create and think outside of a box that modern society seems to gleefully happy to plunk down on children's heads.

Nature is beautiful, but nothing is more beautiful than something (anything) breathing life into a child's imagination and fueling them to build, build, build.

For some (like myself) it can be nature and all its wonders, for others (...also me) it can be a video game that allows me to interact with a brilliantly told tale. That forced me to think and plot to solve puzzles or build myself a solution. For still others it can be the interactions between their fellow humans; the marvels of the human mind; science or the curiosity that is the numerical value of i.

Just because a person gets this kind of motivation from one source rather than another doesn't mean the first source is lesser to the other.

I think it's good that you limit his time playing video games at this age (my parents didn't for me, but because they knew they didn't have to); I think it's good to instill a sense of balance within him in terms of his daily schedule.

But as much as you wish for him to enjoy one thing (be it nature, sewing, sword fighting, whatever); it's best to understand that it just might not be his thing. That's not video games' fault, nor is it your fault for not "trying hard enough to make him like nature"; it's just who he is as a person. That's what makes us human.

Just like you cannot make someone like watermelon no matter how much you think it is awesome and the best melon of melons; you cannot make someone enjoy something that doesn't breathe to life a sense of motivation in their mind. It is what it is; the best you can do is to offer suggestions, opportunities, and encouragement.

[MaggieTheCat]

So it's okay to read a book, but it's annoying badwrongfun to read something from a screen in a video game? Your kid is asking you to help him read, but because it's from a video game, you can't be bothered? I bet if he was shoving a book in your face, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?

There are horrible books and there are great video games. Just because words are written in one type of medium does not automatically make them better or worse than another. There are whole games that are really nothing but reading, basically a choose your own adventure animated graphic novel known as visual novels. The Phoenix Wright games are a popular example. A lot of RPGs also have a lot of text in them, and often have some basis in history or mythology as well. I learned a ton about various types of mythologies by playing several of the Final Fantasy games, and that was after I had to improve my reading and vocabulary skills because I couldn't read them on my own when I first started, but having the desire to play the games gave me the drive to improve.

[Gravekeeper]

And I do worry about addiction, as video games seem much more likely to be the source of an addiction than anything else The Huckster mentioned; how many people lose their jobs and stop interacting with the world because they're busy reading books?

The kinds of games that cause addictions are the ones designed to cause addiction ( many a mobile freemium game for example ) or that combine that design with social obligations ( MMOs, but specifically WoW which has it down to an art form ). These games are specifically designed to maximize the carrot stick reward and the partial reinforcement effect ( ie gambling really ) because they want you to keep playing. They are services. The more you play the more you pay. As opposed to traditional games which you purchase once and which have a beginning and end so to speak. There is no active force behind them trying to keep you playing them for profit.

But even putting that aside, addiction like this does not exist in a vacuum. There are almost always other problems in a person's life that go along with and are driving the addiction. Problems that they are using video games as a coping mechanism or method of escape from. If it was not video games it would be something else. Alcohol, drugs, sex, food, whatever.

Now, its true you shouldn't be exposing a child that doesn't yet have the mental skills to recognize and cope with exploitive media to crap like this. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out you shouldn't be signing young children up for something like WoW.

[anakhouri]

Of course I read him books, and he loves to read. And I do read him what pops up on the screen. But not every two minutes when he's bugging me while I'm trying to get something done. I also wouldn't read him a book when I was trying to wash the dishes in the precious 20 minutes while the baby napped. That was why I was so annoyed yesterday, I was trying to do things and he kept bugging me about it. And it gets really annoying when we get in the car after school and I ask what he did in PE and he says, "In Luigi's Haunted Mansion..." because he can't concentrate on anything else. He has to understand that not everyone has the same interests and he needs to take that into consideration in conversation, which is why I straight up tell him I'm not talking about Kirby or whatever with him.

And I don't hate games, I play them myself (though I can't understand how people can sit and play them for hours at a time). But when he got the 2DS for Christmas my husband suggested we let him play as much as he liked over the break. He would play for 6-7 hours a day, and he threw tantrums about turning it off after that long. My kid can be focused, but he has never been so single-minded about anything before. At that point we decided on the above restrictions.

And unfortunately in his case video games don't seem to inspire his imagination, but constrict it. He used to write these wonderful, bizarre stories but these days if he asks me to help him write a story it's always a catalog of ghosts from Luigi's Haunted Mansion or an instruction manual for Minecraft. This terrifies me. On the other hand, we read a book about ancient Greece the other night and then spent an hour designing a Greek city-state with blocks and constructing temples to new gods he made up. So in Khan's case it's books that get him going, not games.


I understand video games and some TV can be educational and develop some skills but for my particular kid, he needs restrictions and he needs encouragement to do other things. He's 5. He can't self-regulate.

[Hyena Dandy]

Every kid needs restrictions.

On the other hand

e used to write these wonderful, bizarre stories but these days if he asks me to help him write a story it's always a catalog of ghosts from Luigi's Haunted Mansion or an instruction manual for Minecraft. This terrifies me

Look at this another way. Your kid, who is five, is taking some serious interest in analyzing his entertainment. When I was a kid, I played games a lot, I told my parents about them, but even though I was probably close to as focused as he is (I've got Aspergers, I sometimes hyperfocus, I don't know about him) I never once did something that's that... Really, complex. I think I still don't look at games that way, so to do that, your kid is coming off fairly good, there.

By the way

And it gets really annoying when we get in the car after school and I ask what he did in PE and he says, "In Luigi's Haunted Mansion..." because he can't concentrate on anything else. He has to understand that not everyone has the same interests and he needs to take that into consideration in conversation, which is why I straight up tell him I'm not talking about Kirby or whatever with him.

Have you talked to a psychologist or something? Do you know if he has any social disorders? Because a kid should be able to follow a conversation by the age of five. He might not WANT to talk about other stuff, but to simply ignore it sounds unusual to me.

[anakhouri]

He can follow a conversation perfectly- if we're talking about video games. He just doesn't want to talk about anything else. It's like he's always thinking about them and he actually has to stop and blink before he can shift to think or talk about something else. He wasn't like this before his daddy introduced him to video games. He seems to do OK in school so the teacher must be more engaging than I am, I guess.

This thread has made me re-evaluate my policies on his playing video games, and I still think that for him strictness is the best thing.

[Kuari]

I have a 23 yo son who is nuts about video games and many of his conversations are about said games, even if they are not something I am interested in. I look at it this way - at least he is communicating with me. He does still read and write, and all of that, but his main focus is on video games. He did well in school on a variety of subjects and even has a couple years of university under his belt in a field other than video games. And he has been playing on computers since he was able to control a mouse - usually playing educational games that left him ahead of his peers in terms of math, spelling, and reading comprehension.

Obviously I do not take the tack that video games are bad. Yes, it drives me nuts sometimes when he goes on ad nauseum about games and characters in those games, even at his age. But he is also capable of shifting gears to talk about completely different topics, even if it takes him a few moments to make that shift. This, in my mind, is completely normal.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over your son's obvious interest - if anything I'd be happy that he is willing to share his interests with you, even if it is not one that you care for. It's like anything else in the world - there is no law saying that our children cannot have interests that run counter to our expectations as parents. And dishes can always be done later because there is nothing more precious than time spent with our kids, but that is my two cents. Besides, if you shut your kids down now when they are trying to share what really gets their interests up they might not be as willing to talk to you when it's truly important.

Again, that is my two cents. I cherish all the conversations with my son, regardless of the subject matter.

[Hyena Dandy]

He can follow a conversation perfectly- if we're talking about video games. He just doesn't want to talk about anything else. It's like he's always thinking about them and he actually has to stop and blink before he can shift to think or talk about something else. He wasn't like this before his daddy introduced him to video games. He seems to do OK in school so the teacher must be more engaging than I am, I guess.

Some strictness is obviously important.

That said, it is possible, I think, that he may have some of the same things I have. And I can't tell you if that's true or not, I'm not a therapist or familiar with your son. But my parents would tell you that there are some things I can talk for hours about, still (The Animorphs, pro wrestling, Doctor Who, Football, D&D, Five Nights at Freddy's, My Little Pony,) and other things that I'll clearly seem agitated while trying to discuss. And my hyperfocusing tends to cycle. Other people who have the same provlems, like ADD and/or Aspergers and/or other problems, have a hyperfocus on just one thing, and he might be focused on videogames.

If he's like me, which it sounds like he might be, but again, that's an IF and you'd need to ask a doctor, then he's trying to share his love of something with you, and has some social skills issues preventing him from understanding that not everyone is as interested in what he's interested in. So he can't or won't (thinking it not important) follow the conversatioons not about his topic of passion, be it games or something else. Based on my memories of being that age (and I suppose some self-reflection now,) the feeling can be "Well, why is she interested in that? That's boring. Now THis is interesting." He's still doing alright in school, because he doesn't feel like he's supposed to talk to his teacher about what he likes, or what's going on in his mind, he's supposed to learn.

And while I do hyperfocus on things, again, if he' slike me, I wouldn't worry about the imagination. I still write all sorts of crazy fantasies. I just often do them in my game worlds or book worlds or whatnot.

This thread has made me re-evaluate my policies on his playing video games, and I still think that for him strictness is the best thing.

Strictness is important. But I'd say what's also important is not to take it to the point that what he's interested in is a new type of media don't undertand, and you need to be more strict about it than if it was something you did get (like if he loved reading, wanted to read for seven hours a day, and got agitated when you took his books away.) Minecraft isn't that different from playing with legos, after all, he's just doing it on a screen instead of in the livingroom. Which is nice. Because you're not gonna step on 'em.

Edit; additional thing to add. While it might be totally fine for your SON, and he just has something going on, that doesn't mean it's alright with YOU. You have needs to, and while it's good to indulge the child a little, there's no problem with saying "We won't talk about this anymore, I need to do something else." I did have a temporary job with a child with Asperger's just for that reason. His mother got tired of talking to him about trains, so the therapist suggested hiring smoeone to talk trains with him, and also instituting a "Talking about the thing you like" time limit for the mother to be able to set with the kid. But again, I dont know your soN< I don't know if that's the right move to make. But I want to make the point that even though his behavior might not be the end of the world, you don't need to feel bad about not indulging it, because you have your needs too, and those needs, as odd as it seems, can involve "Not talking about videogames sometimes."

[anakhouri]

Thanks Kuari and Hyena Dandy, that does put a different spin on it. I do indulge him to an extent but when it's incessant I have to tell him to change topics or lose my mind.

[Andara Bledin]

There's nothing wrong with having an interest, even a primary interest, that consists of "being on a screen" but I've seen these kinds of things become an obsession to the point that it interferes with their social, academic, or work-related lives, at which point it becomes a problematic addiction just like any addiction can be. If his grades are slipping or he's snubbing activities he really should partake in, then I could see how there's a concern.

Exactly. This has nothing to do with the screen and everything to do with the person staring at it. I have the type of personality at issue here, and I do the same with books and puzzles and anything else.

If it's a situation where the person feeling slighted would be fine with anything else, it's the lack of shared interest that's the heart of the matter.

... but when you're staring at a screen book all the time you can't notice the world around you.

If it was about not paying attention to the world around you, you wouldn't be ok with the obsession being books, instead.

I have had my life negatively impacted by my reading. And my playing card games. And my screwing with puzzles. The addiction angle is a red herring to not focus on the real issue.

Heck, the more I read, the more I realize that the games aren't the issue at all... there's a lot more going on that needs some serious work, and it's got pretty much nothing to do with video games.