I'm not a hypochondriac

[Aragarthiel]

Hubs is the kind of person that will only believe you about any sort of health issue if you have an official diagnosis and a doctor that can back up everything I say, and only THEN will he listen to me about any possible treatments. Unfortunately, for many reasons that would take up a whole separate thread, I can't get health insurance. I'm enrolled in a state program that covers OB/GYN needs, and that's it.

I know I have anxiety issues that I try to manage on my own, and I'm always asking for Hubs's help. For example, making phone calls is terrifying for me, so I ask him to do it when he can, and being around large groups of people I don't know can easily turn into an anxiety attack for me. However, I have never officially been diagnosed with anything, so Hubs just tells me to quit diagnosing myself and get over it. No matter how much information I give him on an issue, he claims I don't have it.

I really got upset with him earlier, when he was trying to get me to call my grandpa. Long story short, my grandpa bought us a car without asking us if we wanted it, and said we could pay him back even though we really can't afford to. Hubs was begging me to call him and tell him that we didn't want the car, in the same way that I beg him to not make me make phone calls. The ONLY reason he didn't want to call is because my grandpa's a police officer and intimidates Hubs a bit, despite my grandpa being an incredibly nice person.

It's not only the anxiety thing, though. I had a cold last year that stuck around for almost a month, and I realized that my symptoms were incredibly similar to something my sister had had a few months before. I mentioned this to Hubs, and he told me, "It's just a cold, take some medicine and you'll feel better."

He seems to think I'm a hypochondriac when everything clearly points to an issue that I'm not making up. I just don't get how he can just assume I make things up.

[HYHYBT]

Sounds like quite a catch...

[Gravekeeper]

As someone with PTSD and thus anxiety and depression in equal mixes: There are few things more infuriatingly unhelpful then someone telling you to "Get over it" or otherwise suggesting its not real, etc.

If I could just "get over it" there wouldn't be a medical term for it in the first place.

Also, special place in Hell for people that tell people with depression they just need to "Cheer up".

[Andara Bledin]

So... Hubs was indimidated by your grandfather and was too scared to call him... but can't understand that you suffer the same form of intimidation from phone calls in general and thinks you should just 'get over it.'

That's an amazing lack of empathy he's got going there.

[Aragarthiel]

He's usually a really great guy, this is just one area he really needs to work on. I suspect he and his family don't believe in mental illness, though aren't willing to admit it. When I called him out on his hypocrisy he seemed rather shocked at that revelation, and we haven't talked about it since. I'm hoping it'll sink in that I can't just "Get over it."

[Andara Bledin]

Yeah, hopefully that whole "good for me, but not for thee" episode will give him a wake up that it's not just you. At least with the phone situation you can use his own issues to validate yours.

[Estil]

As someone with PTSD and thus anxiety and depression in equal mixes: There are few things more infuriatingly unhelpful then someone telling you to "Get over it" or otherwise suggesting its not real, etc.

If I could just "get over it" there wouldn't be a medical term for it in the first place.

Also, special place in Hell for people that tell people with depression they just need to "Cheer up".

Wanna know something Gravekeeper? We may be as different as night and day as far as political views go, but as someone who has PTSD/depression issues as well (as well as my wife of 10 years; we are both child abuse survivors and in her case also sexual abuse and spousal abuse from her previous marriages) you my friend hit the nail exactly on the head on this one. And yes, most of my own family doesn't even believe me in this regard either One thing a victim of any kind of abuse learns real quick is who their friends and I'm sorry to say even "loved ones" really are.

[Gravekeeper]

And yes, most of my own family doesn't even believe me in this regard either One thing a victim of any kind of abuse learns real quick is who their friends and I'm sorry to say even "loved ones" really are.

Ugh, that really sucks. I at least have the support of family. if I didn't I'd honestly have just thrown myself in front of a bus by now.

[Estil]

If it weren't for my wife and little boy (he's of the four legged purring variety but still...and you bet I'm a firm believer in pet therapy)...well...let's just say while I don't think I would ever actually followed through, I have had some rather nasty flashbacks/thoughts inside my head including suicidal thoughts. The drugs I'm on help some but of course you know as well as I do that this is the sort of thing that can never completely go away.

My "parents" are the ones that are mainly responsible for this (though my employer and their lapdog "labor union" and their shenanigans kinda pushed me over the top) and to this day I cannot go to any family functions or any other sort of deal because I know they will expect me to act like everything is okay now, let bygones be bygones and all that. I cannot and will not do that when those who have severely and flagrantly done me wrong are not even the least big sorry or ashamed of what they done. No, they get to walk pretty much scot free and go about their normal lives as if nothing happened. Must be nice :P

[Aragarthiel]

Most of my anxiety results from my own family as well, though I know I have the support of my mom. I've always been incredibly similar to her so she understands how hard things can be for me. The rest of my family doesn't really know, it's something I'm rather embarrassed about so I try to work around it and make up excuses when I can.

A lot of my support comes from an old friend of mine, he doesn't judge and helps me find ways to deal with my issues so I don't feel so bad about it. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be able to think I'm normal in any way, because everyone finds a way to call something I do "crazy" just because I have some sort of mental illness that has no relation to why I don't like mushrooms or want the dish drainer to be stacked the way I was taught.

[s_stabeler]

let bygones be bygones

I wish I could find the person who coined that phrase, since I would quite like to punch them in the face. ( I've had more than one person tell me some variation in "get over the fact you were bullied as a kid"- when what they want me to "get over" is the fact that being bullied as a kid has left be nervous in any kind of social situation, and I have been trying to get ovber it for years now.)

[Stitchwitch]

I wrote a poem about this:

Hypochondria

They call me a hypochondriac,
my every symptom they attack
they say "you always think you're ill"
"that you've got something that will kill"
"you always think you have a fever
or that you need a pain reliever"
well one day maybe they'll believe me
when it's so bad that even they will see
when I at last take a final breath
and in this illness succumb to death
and on my stone they'll write with their pick
my epitaph that reads "I told you I was Sick!"

[Aragarthiel]

I wish I could find the person who coined that phrase, since I would quite like to punch them in the face.

I know how that is, though in my case, I've forgiven the people who wronged me the best that I can. They yelled at me when I didn't do something absolutely perfectly (for example, getting 87% on a math test. For that, I was told, "Why should I give you more than 80% of the food and care you need if you can't give more than 80%?"), they grounded me when I didn't finish food fast enough, they verbally abused me, but I harbor no hard feelings towards them. However, I AM a resistant eater, I try too hard to please everyone and give too much of myself in the process, and I always think I'm going to do everything wrong. It took a long time to be able to forgive them, it only happened when I realized that I gain nothing from hating them. There's a good chance I'll never see them again, so I don't worry about it.

In other words, I'm not really over it, but I HAVE let the bygones be bygones, as much as I can. It's a hard thing to do but it is possible.