Habitually Late People

[Greenday]

It makes absolutely NO sense to me. How is it possible to be late to EVERY SINGLE event? I'm carpooling with someone tonight and the event starts at 9pm. It starts at 9pm every Monday. We've been doing this since May. And somehow, despite not working and not doing anything at all the entire day, without fail my friend's wife will not be ready. Going somewhere on the weekend? At least an hour late. It doesn't matter what day, what time, my friend and the wife will be late. I can't recall a time where they've ever beat me somewhere and it's not even to be fashionably late.

[Andara Bledin]

It's a mental hangup, like OCD.

I wouldn't be surprised if it were related a bit to depression, since I know my issues with habitual tardiness get exponentially worse the worse I'm feeling.

[Bloodsoul]

Did she forget her pants?

[Sarah Valentine]

Try telling them it's earlier than it really is, that way when they say they're sorry for being late tell them they're actually on time. Hopefully they'll be able to get to whereever on time from then on, if not just keep lying about the time.

[Greenday]

Try telling them it's earlier than it really is, that way when they say they're sorry for being late tell them they're actually on time. Hopefully they'll be able to get to whereever on time from then on, if not just keep lying about the time.

Yea, my friend's told her the event was an hour earlier than it was and they still show up late.

[Kuari]

I'd be looking for a new carpool situation because it's clear that your current one isn't exactly reliable. The onus is just as much on your friend as it is on his wife.

I'm the sort of person where I will find an alternate ride, point blank tell the original folks why, and let the chips fall where they may. Why should I be late just because my ride can't get their shit together? The last time I dealt with a ride who was consistently late it could have affected my employment as I was in training for something new at work...but the trainer was aware that my ride is habitually late, and dinged my ride's final grade for the training as a result. On our assessments I got similar marks but I still scored higher than she did, and it took the trainer explaining that the final grades took more than the assessments into account, such as not being able to arrive on time at all and that he was not going to hold that me because it wasn't my fault that she was always late. Hell, she runs late even when she isn't picking anybody up so it's not like she could blame me for it.

I still don't think she got it, but I made a point of never asking her to pick me up ever again.

[cindybubbles]

What is your friend's wife doing that is more important than being on time? Perhaps you should ask your friend. Maybe the wife needs to see a doctor, or maybe she's just being a jerk.

Case in point: this Dilbert strip about why this coworker is chronically late.

[Greenday]

What is your friend's wife doing that is more important than being on time? Perhaps you should ask your friend. Maybe the wife needs to see a doctor, or maybe she's just being a jerk.

Case in point: this Dilbert strip about why this coworker is chronically late.

I'm 99% sure it's just laziness. She just hangs around all day doing nothing.

[Andara Bledin]

As someone labeled as "just lazy," I can tell you that this isn't always the problem.

It's a matter of difficulty in changing states. I have to make an effort to get out of bed. I have to make an effort to go to bed. If I was lazy, getting to bed would be totally easy, but it's not.

I'll miss breaks at work because I'm in the middle of some work project. I overstay my lunch because I'm in the middle of thinking about other things. I'll miss tv shows because I'm playing a game. I'll miss games because I'm watching tv. I'll miss both of those because I'm reading something.

Telling me the time won't help. I know the time the same way an OCD person knows how many spoons are in the drawer when they're counting them. I'm not going to stop being late any more than they're going to stop re-counting those spoons.

It's a mental issue - a hang-up. I wouldn't be surprised if, in my case, it's tied in to my tendency towards addictive actions where I end up needing to finish something because I've started it and I'm not about to stop until its don, dammit. >_<

Sure, some habitually late people are just inconsiderate. But some of us have mental issues that are subtle and piss us off just as much as it pisses you off.

Oh, yeah, and getting on my case about being late causes me to get anxious to the point where I will end up doing things to guarantee that I'm late, at which point, I stop being anxious and can then do whatever it is people are getting on my case to do.

I have as much power to make it stop as a phobic does to stop being afraid of whatever.

[Estil]

I've gotta ask if no one else will...where did the term "fashionable late" come from and what is or was so "fashionable" about it? :P

[Andara Bledin]

Apparently, the original origin of the phrase "fashionably late" references the increasing lateness at which the trendy (basically hipsters) of the early 1800s were taking their dinners. The common and unrefined man would dine at midday, but the idle and popular of the era could afford to dine late, and it became the fashion of the day for those of culture to dine late, thus the term.

Sometime later in the century (hard to determine precisely when), the term underwent a change from describing the timing of events to the arrival of their attendees, sometimes ironically.

At that point, being "fashionably late" had come to mean arriving after the start in order for most of the other guests to have already arrived, thus making your own arrival able to be remarked upon by most of the others, and enabling a grand entrance. If you showed up too early you might potentially inconvenience the host, and if nobody else had arrived, nobody would be able to note it.

So, yeah... hipsters are to blame for both.

[TheHuckster]

At parties, I often hate being the first one to show up, mainly due to the awkwardness of having the music at a very low volume and deciding whether to imbibe and eat some of the stuff before the rest of the guests show up. It's not as bad when you know the hosts well, but sometimes you don't, so you end up having these odd conversations with them.

Of course, everyone else seems to hate that as much as me, so even when I'm 30 minutes late to an all-night party, I'm still the first one there, so I can't win.

[Greenday]

As someone labeled as "just lazy," I can tell you that this isn't always the problem.

She has no problems getting up on time every day to make her wife breakfast. She has no problems watching her TV shows when they air live. Or when she wants to go somewhere. But God forbid we are going somewhere that isn't her idea...

[Sarah Valentine]

If it's just the 1 person that's causing the lateness issue why not just not invite them? That way there's not an issue, because what I'm understanding is if you're all going somewhere she doesn't want to then she's going to make everyone else wait and that's not fair.

[Andara Bledin]

The doing things for other people bit is different than doing things for yourself. Don't ask me how, but it is.

But if she can always be ready on time for her things and it's only other people's things she's late for, then that's a selfishness issue. People with hangups like me tend to be late for their own things and less late for other peopel's things.

In either case, however, being too lenient is a bad idea. Say you're leaving by X:xx and then stick by it. If she's almost ready then give her a few minutes to finish up, but if she's just getting into the shower when it's time to go, then leave her ass with instructions on how to get to wherever.

Give her sufficient warning, and then stick to the plan. If she really wants to go, she'll be ready at least close to on time. If she's not even close to ready, then she doesn't really want to go. Just make sure everybody else is on board so it doesn't cause excess drama.