Wrong to Hate Someone?

[guywithashovel]

Just wondering, do you think it's wrong to hate another person?

Growing up, I was often told that it is wrong to hate another person. Most of the time it was said from a religious standpoint, but not always. In church, they used to cite 1 John 3:15 that says "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him."

However, I can remember being at a soccer game when I was twelve. The coach announced that another boy was joining our team, and when his name was revealed, this girl shrieked "EEEEEEWWWW! I HATE him!"

"We don't hate ANYONE," was the coaches response.

If your son/daughter or some other child close to you were to voice hatred for someone else (i.e. say "I hate 'so and so.'"), would you tell him or her that it's wrong to hate? Should we try not to hate other people?

If it is wrong, why is it wrong, and what are the negative consequences of it?

[anakhouri]

I think a child can't understand the power of the word 'hate'. It's used so often now to mean 'dislike' that I think most kids don't realize the soul-shattering impact of actual hatred. I try not to use it flippantly around my son (but unfortunately he has picked up on it and sometimes uses it...from Charlie Brown TV specials, of all things!).

I don't think it's proper to tell kids they can't dislike someone (I assume the girl in your story meant 'dislike', not actual hate), but it is necessary to tell them to keep it to themselves so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, except in situations where the disliked kid is a bully or some such.

I think as an adult it's fine to say you hate someone/something, as long as you actually feel hatred for them/it. Otherwise you're belittling the word.

[SkullKing]

No it is not wrong to hate someone.

I would NEVER tell a child it is "wrong to hate"

[DrFaroohk]

I hate plenty of people. It's probably healthier to hate because then you're not burying your emotions behind the invisible man in the sky.

It's how you handle it that is the worse. I hate someone, I might write a song about how much I hate them and make sure a lot of people hear it. Works for me. Murdering them is probably not ok.

[Greenday]

It's not wrong. It just takes a lot of energy to always hate someone.

[Jaden]

I don't really like the way "hate" is used almost interchangeably with "dislike" nowadays" They're really not the same thing, and yet when people are mildly perturbed with something or someone, they "hate" them. I'd say I don't really hate that many people. I might not like somebody very much, but it takes a lot to get me to hate you.

Is it wrong to hate somebody? I'd say it depends. If you hate a person who burns orphanages and stabs bags of puppies, then sure, I suppose it's alright to hate them. If you hate a guy who cut you off on the interstate or who showed up late for dinner, or called in sick and made you work a late shift when they weren't actually sick, or something like that, I don't think that's healthy.

[Andara Bledin]

I think this is a tricky one.

The base question would be why do you hate a person, and do you truly hate them, or do you hate something they've done?

^-.-^

[Lace Neil Singer]

It's not wrong. It just takes a lot of energy to always hate someone.

Exactly this. "He who angers you, enslaves you". Is it really worth giving out all that energy for someone?

[HYHYBT]

It's probably healthier to hate because then you're not burying your emotions...

That doesn't really make sense. Burying your emotions doesn't remove them. There is not a choice between hating someone and burying your hatred. You might hate someone, and you might not. If you do hate someone, you might try to bury it or you might not. But if you bury your hatred, by definition you do have it.

Hatred harms those who hold it, and it's also counterproductive. In the example of "a person who burns orphanages and stabs bags of puppies," the need is to stop them from doing those things; hating them doesn't help things. It's also a bit like an overly-bright light; once sparked, hatred makes people not see (or ignore) what else is going on. What caused soandso to do that? If he's just that kind of person, why did he turn out that way? Those need addressing too, but hatred obscures that. And one other thing it helps people ignore: valid defense. Once you hate somebody for having done Despicable Act, you're likely to dismiss any reasons, no matter how true, that they were unable to avoid it, or even that they didn't do it at all.

But mostly, hating hurts you. It makes people bitter.

[Lace Neil Singer]

But mostly, hating hurts you. It makes people bitter.

I just realised my signature works for this thread.

"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die"

It's true; nursing a grudge and feeling hatred towards someone hurts only you, not them. I have good reasons to hate certain people; however, to my mind, they're not worth the effort. I don't have to love and forgive them; however, being indifferent works a lot better for my mental health than hating them.

[bara]

Hate is like any other human emotion. It has its place. Use it when you need it, but dont nurse it and keep it burning.

[Seshat]

Is it wrong to hate?
No. Emotions are neither right nor wrong, they simply are.

Is it wrong to act on your hate?
It depends on how you act.

Is it healthy to maintain the hate?
No. It's also not healthy to maintain anger or grief beyond their natural timespan. Heck, I would argue that maintaining even joy beyond its natural timespan could cause problems.

Use the hate to identify the injustice or other problem that has caused you to feel it. Then express it in some harmless way (write 'You're so vain' or something). Let it burn itself out while you express it.
Then - with a clearer and calmer mind - make decisions on how to act on the injustice or the problem. Resolve the matter, and then walk away. Let it go.

[siead_lietrathua]

there are a few people in this world i admittidly hate. i dont waste energy on them beyond the initial encounter that made me hate them (well, except when they come at me again). but if someone asked me how i felt about them i could honestly use the term "hate". Dislike would not be strong enough a word in those few individual cases.

[Skunkle]

I decided about ten years ago to stop hating people. It was burning me up. There's a difference between hating what someone says or does, and hating them as a person.

[Rapscallion]

Hate is a good defence mechanism. Someone has proven themselves to be worthy of hate, it usually means they're able and willing to hurt you in some way or other.

There are several people at work who I will not speak to unless there's some sort of business need. They act as if they don't understand it, but I like to make sure they know they're on my shitlist.

Fuck 'em. After the shit they pulled, fuck 'em.

Rapscallion